somehow, due in part to drug cocktail and alchl prior to meeting, i blacked out, got home, made total mess of kitchen, broke shower, and made 17 hard boiled eggs
if by 'bottleservice' you mean 'bringing beers in my purse' then yes, we are.
I'm high, and her 2,100 tagged pictures annoy me even MORE. I wish it had a google searchbar so I could type in "cleavage pics" to get to the point.
When we woke up, I asked if we could play "what does your name rhyme with".....he said 'bave' thank god it was easy
Well we were just driving down the street, there was a realtor and a couple walking up the porch of a house for sale, mark sticks his head out, opens his mouth to say something, pukes all down the side of the car, pauses, and yells "THIS IS A PHENOMAL NEIGHBORHOOD YOURE GONNA LOVE IT"
By the way, she says hi. At least I think she did since she licked my phone
Her exstacy made her nickname everyone David. Nobody knows who the fuck she's talking to so we just say no to everything she says. She's crying.
Some idiot from high school is in the hospital for bonging three beers up his ass
He should have died. Natural selection.
i feel like i am made of mashed potatoes. i love cannabis pills so. fucking. much.
She doesn't even know his real name...he just keeps calling himself Hans the Third
You know the party's good when you say "Never have I ever caused an emergency landing" and someone drinks
One of the worst parts about living at my parents again is trying to hide how often I'm hungover, just quietly puked in the basement bathroom while my mom got ready for work
he yelled at me like a drill sergeant while I quickly tried to take off my pants
Wandering around the streets of Baltimore at two in the afternoon. Just offered a job as a stripper. Think I should accept?
Try an internship first, see if you enjoy it.
You proposed a left ass cheek firmness contest and got a surprising number of contestants. Then you ruined it by groping someone who wasn't playing and awarding them first place.
Randomize
