I attract so much trash. The guy that is engaged and kissed me is here so is his fiancé. I feel likeshw knows and will cut me in the bathroom might happen. If I'm not at the pool tomorrow she has blonde hair and is really flat.
you just broke rule number 1. If you can't lift her up don't date her
Who has a video camera? i want to look back on this one day and say OH thats why i spent 2 years in jail
If this wasn't a work function my tits would be out already.
I'm buying drugs in the library...And it's not even finals time. What has my life become?
NEVER PUT A LIT CIGARETTE BEHIND YOUR EAR
Strip mythology. Everyone wins. Most of all me.
Just got back from the tanning beds. I'm a lobster. I fear for the safety of my nipples falling off.
i was really hopeful that i could make it to the end of the semester without doing something stupid enough to destroy our relationship but i guess i was wrong..........thanks vodka
He tried to do the do on me last night and my exact words were "stay away from my princess parts. they're renovating."
He's so vague sometimes. Like dude, we've been friends for 3 years. I don't need you to be vague, I need you to be inside of my vagina.
My one night stand ended up seeing me the next morning... For my interview. Guess who got a job.
I'm in the liquor store and fucking "Wannabe" by the Spice Girls is playing. IM ALREADY ASHAMED OF MY REASON FOR BEING HERE, GIVE ME A BREAK.
you know you’re single when you try to cook yourself a nice pasta dinner but you’re too weak to open the container of sauce and theres no one around to help you
I just want to eat chicken fingers and drink beer and smoke in bed with my laptop so I can watch Netflix
So your not doing THAT great with the break up then...
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