Alcohol only hurts me because he loves me.
Just shaved my vagina. It's been so long I forgot what it looked like. You need to come over right now.
Dude, at this rate we're going to get arrested a second time tonight.
Who was that couple sleeping in your bed with us last night?
Nothing says "I forgive you for puking on me during sex" like a Facebook add the next morning...
Okay, just a casual question: how did i manage to get grass stains on the inside of my bra?
we're using his nephews tonka truck toy as a cooler for the beer
Notice: I will be intoxicated and in your area this evening. To unsubscribe from my sexual solicitation list, reply 'fuck off'.
Whatever. I'm just trying to get my dick sucked while taking online harmonica lessons
there's still three solo cups of your puke in my basement. so that needs to be solved at some point.
my question is who was more confortable? You sleeping on the floor or me tweeting from a bush?
There are twenty thousand men on this campus, please have sex with someone who isn't my drug dealer
I made out with an Italian cab driver. Not cool. Help. Good news he will drive us anywhere we want to go as long as you cook food?!?!?! I want to melt into the pavement.
I'm so high. Midnight pancake breakfast in bed
when I called the strip club they said there was a note with my credit card. "girl who punched guy in throat" fuck daytona
Randomize
