I got fucking wesley sniped last night by that power hoe. How'd it end up on your end? Did you canoodle the stripper enough for her to agree to go to formal?
my boobs are a 3G dead zone. as soon as i take my phone out of my bra, it has a signal again.
Ugh, here's a dating tip. Hairy legs are a major turn off
Wouldn't pinatas filled with coke be awesome idea for cinco de mayo?
The vodka told me to go iceskating on my frozen pool. I may have attempted.
I've ID'd the nipple biter.
hey tell your friend im sorry for licking his mouth, that was probably inappropriate
You'd be so proud. I have the flu/sore throat, so I've tied a scarf around my head and I'm microwaving jagerbombs. Let it never be said I'm not commited.
Then you started screaming that this was the first time you did e and that you had a 4.8 gpa, that was right before you almost suffocated between that one girl's tits.
Today's been pretty great, I went and bought the new Batman for the sole purpose of masturbating to Bane
Speaking of fellatio on fictional characters, the Stay Puft Marshmallow Man would be a delicious blowjob.
I dressed up as a "typical white girl" which meant I wore my yoga pants and uggs all night. BEST. IDEA. EVER. Most comfy halloween everrrr.
Did I put a bunch of spaghetti on you and then eat it off?!?
That you did
cmon you know I'm perfectly capable of something that ridiculous 100% sober
TURNS OUT they were both cheating. Like the Gift of the Magi except for shitty people
Randomize
