Your an asshole
Actually, it's "you're an asshole"
My point exactly
Keeping hand sanitizer and lube in the same drawer in the same size bottle = awful idea
It's finally official that I am from Oklahoma. I'm currently sleeping with my ex-fling's brother.
Do you think anyone has ever tried to have sex with a cows udder before?
I dunno, but she kept buying me shots and asking me to go places with her. oh btw we're signed up to go bungee jumping Saturday
I fucked your brother... Hey, at least we know he is not gay... You're welcome.
You missed lesbians having sex in the bathroom and the whole bar clapping for them. I had to do recon. It was amazing
My parents are takin me for chinese food for my 4/20 present.
I fucking hate you.
Haha yeah that's basically it. He was like "i've always had a thing for you, and even sober i still would do and feel the same way." so glad to know i am worthy of a sober hookup as well.
he said he was going grocery shopping but when he came back all he had was a jumbo bag of pancake mix and case of beer.
the essentials, lol
My life is a clusterfuck of men and disorderly priorities right meow.
I showed up to a job interview wearing two different shoes. If that's not an omen, I don't know what is.
THAT'S MY GIRL
KICKING BUT AND GETTING PEOPLE INTOXICATED
don't take this the wrong way, but I'm not drunk but I need you to take me to the ER and you're the most likely to not be drunk now.
Yea.. And you'll love me a whole lot more when I start letting my vagina make all the decisions..
Randomize
