And then I'm going to yell into her vagina and see if it echoes
She wrote me a poem titled "Penis Flower" and it wasnt a joke
My vagina makes bad decisions like its her job
He promised he'd be the first bidder on my ebay item if i went home with him. Worth it.
My dinner was lean cuisine and tequila. Aaaaaand I need a boyfriend.
So at what point do I tell her that I like fucking these hot southern girls more than I like my relationship with her?
3 months til "no sober october" start prepping now. i cant have you bitch out on me halfway through like last year.
The leasing office is hiring, so I gave them my resume and class schedule. I doubt they'll call me considering last summer at their "exotic animal" pool party I marched in with a funnel and demanded the employees chug. I doubt they've forgotten.
I've been there a week.. I'd rather all my coworkers not know that I'm already sleeping with my boss.
I thanked him for the booty call offer but told him I'd rather just do it myself
A 3am FaceTime to go to IHOP is the closest thing to a bootycall that I'm getting
If my plane goes down do me a favor. Break into my house and get the batman costume and swing out of my bedroom.
How do I tell this guy that if he does not like the condoms at my apartment, he should bring his own without sounding like a sure thing?
Say it's BYOC night at the beach. And, you are a sure thing. Own it.
he said "i'm the cat whisperer, watch". he took a hit from the pipe, grabbed the cat and blew the smoke in its ear. he grinned and the cat started purring. it was magnificent
It’s a dick. Seen one, seen em all. Unless it spews a fountain of tequila, I don’t need to see yours.
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