Wow that girl who lives a couple houses down is going out wearing butterfly wings a skirt and fishnets
Its not drinking alone if you got Tiger on the Wii.
My mom is giving me a "don't tape yourself during sex" talk. It's going to be a long car ride.
Best feeling in the world? holding your pee all day for a negative preggo test
I think my plan to not drink this week was just ruined by my mothers discovery of the chat function on facebook
he puked in his toast at dennys. after snoopdogg high fived him. couldn't be prouder to be his bro in law.
Apparently the cops have a video of me singing bob seger "Night moves".
bad sex. bad bad bad. it was like trying to pick up an overcooked noodle with an empty pringles can. why do these guys always seem to find me?
It's a sad day when you can't take off your pants and drink a margarita at work.
Personally, if my roommate had a nice friend who made me dinner, gave me free beer, a 4am meal, a couch to sleep on in an apartment on the beach, and breakfast when I woke up, and I found out that said roommate was fucking her, I'd be all... right on! She's cool! Thanks for the quesadillas!
I just woke and boke and made apple pancakes. I'm kicking Monday in the dick.
Am I the only one who saw the used condom in the driveway this morning
You were so drunk you told some dude your life story in one short sentence... and kissed his fiancé. You're invited to the wedding.
I am witnessing a blind guy whip ass at beer pong
One can only be this extremely wet once a year and I feel like I'm bitch slapping god by not using this gift he has bestowed on me.
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