if you made me into a cookie and threw me into a betty crocker easy bake oven on christmas morning...that's how baked i am
you wouldn't come out from under your bed because you said there were six-armed bears everywhere.
ohhh that explains the pepperonis I found in my sock drawer this morning...
no it doesn't.
No I'm not coming over. That Bob Ross drinking game is too intense.
your drunk mistake has arrived...he is the one wearing a poncho
New level of stoned. My Terry's Chocolate Orange didn't 'whack-and-unwrap' so I ate it like an apple.
accidentally stumbled into a construction site at 3am on the way home. The bulldozer was locked so we had to settle for rerouting traffic with all the orange cones...
I was worried he'd break you after the hiatus your lady parts had to take from social interaction.
This heat and humidity do not mix with these braless DDs and a tank top at a BBQ.
It's fine. I wouldn't trust either of them to be my workplace drug buddy.
I've somehow found myself in an emotionally abusive relationship with a married man who gives me drugs.
My life is quickly turning into a Lifetime movie.
I know you are gonna wanna ask a lot of questions but when we are home I need to cover your face with deli meat and photograph it
I rode home in a shopping cart so there's that. MVP to the guy that pushed it.
There I was, puking into the toilet, and he was rubbing my feet, buck naked. I feel like a drunk Disney princess.
I already plan to donate my brain to science so they can attempt to fully understand the complexities of my existence
Quick question, did I crash teeth with you when I snogged you, or did I headbutt something between the car and the bed last night?
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