So there are ramen noodles in the shower you need to explain...
Sometimes I get depressed that my son is too young to understand how hot his babysitter is.
I had a talk with my mom about respecting myself and not acting like a whore so she will rip my nose ring out if she somehow sees that picture
I would like to meet someone who actually lost their virginity in a candle filled room
You were hugging the toilet and shouting "don't let fatty eat me" through the closed door.
I've spent more money on drugs for bonnaroo than my actual ticket. Proudly.
and being hungover still at 4 in the afternoon is NOT "having allergies"
We found you in the middle of the road chucking gravel because "the house was too far away".
Sometimes I think about the fact that I lost my virginity while watching anime and I wonder what that says about me
We get drunk and make out in different places. Is that what love is?
I used an emoji to tell him I was pregnant. I should feel bad about that, right?
He screamed like a woman when he came then proceeded to sing "you [we] are the champion" by Queen. I think I'm in love.
How you doing tonight? I got my butthole licked so i cant complain.
You ghosted you're own booty call. Wow what a sad sad man.
I lost my wallet so I paid for my cab ride home with a sausage sandwich I found in my purse. Must have thought it was my wallet.
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