i've already watched her fall off the steps, walk up on our porch and try to dance with the dog, and stumble across the street to stand outside the neighbors window...is it taking it too far to watch this rando girl and some guy have sex behind our parking lot now?
Its mothers day and I have choke marks around my neck. Thanks for that.
don't tell me I don't love her. i once slept with my girlfriends therapist, just to find out if she was cheating on me.
You should know I just got pulled aside by TSA because they found a bottle of Bud Light in my backpack... Thanks for that...
I won't be able to make it. Too hung over. Can't hold down fluids. I'm in the bathtub trying to hydrate my body through osmosis. And yes, Tequila Tuesday is totally still on for tonight.
Maybe he meant to say like I love fucking you? But just forgot the fucking part.. That's what I'm telling myself.
The least you could do before I go into your room is throw away the condom wrapper from the other girl I know you're banging.
Apparently he took me home and I pulled up my senior pictures on fbook and made him guess what I was thinking during each different pose.
It mathmatically balances. Less pants + more shirt = fully clothed. see? Not a whore!
say penis size is all related to how funny you are and then tell a feminist joke. if she laughs, you got double points, if she slaps you, she probably wasn't going to sleep with you anyway
You're doing a terrible job of letting me hook up with girls vicariously through you.
i can't believe i helped you shave your back last night, and she still didn't sleep with you.
While he was fucking me, he just stopped and said, "Mike says Hi." Then proceeded to fuck me.
What did you do?
What do you say to that!? But, when I came, I screamed out my full name.
do you think that identical twins have the same size junk? i just want to know your opinion before i find out.
No but seriously. Just had a guy lean over and sniff my head like it was a freshly baked pie
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