All I want to do is go home, strip down to my pants, get in the shower and pee down my leg
I feel like your standards for women is like rent-a-centers standards for credit.
just saw the guy i hooked up with last nights' face on a billboard. win.
i looked up his schedule, waited outside his classroom, and handed him the receipt for plan b
he'll be my respectable boyfriend for tksgiving and i'll be his non-slutty girlfriend for christmas.
and then ....
he stays my gay friend and my parents think i'm not a slut.
No flamethrowers. That is a direct order.
There is a good chance that the other night after a wedding reception i was at that i mailed you a drink coaster.
If you're staying here tonight, you need to promise me you won't make another bonfire in the lounge room. My girl is still pissed about that.
My heart feels like a grape in a barrel about to be crushed into wine
hey dude my crackhead idol just taught me a great way to tie shoes
Decided I'm going to wear a shirt that says "I'm sorry" whenever we go back to that fraternity
No, it's ok. He's Greek. To him I'm just a light drinker, not an alcoholic.
My roommates don't agree with the whole tv in the bathroom idea. Fucking barbarians.
Well, while we went through airport security, I found out Mom got her clit pierced, so there's that.
You hear the wildest shit in a Walmart bathroom.
Randomize
