Just woke up with three stitches in my left boob. Nevertheless, I think I'm going to like this school.
four loko is officially banned. leave it to the kids from a state school to fuck it up for everyone
We've done the math and the dogs tails are wagging at a rate of 3000 wags per hour. Stoned.
was i strangled at any point last night? or was his dick just that long
Like I couldn't describe it to you but if they did a lineup of penises i'd be able to pick it out.
Is it 3pm? Or am I losing my mind because it's pickled in vodka and diet coke?
i officially have over $300 in my bank account. that's a year's worth of chipotle.
I think the last straw was when you put on ice skates to go across the waxed wooden floor.
This is literally engraved into my seat "Need crack?" And then there's a number. This isn't real.
i'm teaching a bunch of people how to grow weed over snapchat. no shame.
Wait I'm all alone with a guy and his turtle
Reminding you of hookups your brain is trying to suppress. That's what friends are fooooooooor...
I mean, drunk me really liked him, maybe sober me will too. Who am I to deny fate?
shots, cocks, socks. bingo
I’m going to give his broken heart CPR with my vagina
Randomize
