she didnt even puke last nite, shes finally hit champion status. i think im in love
My face smells like last night's lay. I need a whore bath. Or a corndog.
Ask Niel how long his lasts if he plays with it a lot.
he says 15-20 minutes depending on the porn.
no his phone, idiot.
call me tomorrow and ask me about coke-whore stripper. It hasnt happened yet, but im sure it will be plenty disappointing.
He passes out, I smoke his kush. All's fair in love and a disappointing lack of sex.
I was in the freezer we were knocking over shit. Speaking of which i asked my boss. I can hook up with girls in the freezer
Yeah just sayin. Whenever you want to come over and wank me off you can
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE ASSHOLE WHO BREAKS OUT THE SHOTS
We built a fire and had sex in the kiddie pool. Then he washed my hair
Strong work
Something bad happened. I'm just giving you some notice. So you can smoke some pot and hide all sharp items in the house.
"DO YOU LIKE FLYING KITES" WORKED AS A PICKUP LINE. SUCK IT.
I was about to share my drunken story from the weekend, but two friends getting married and one finding out she's pregnant makes Saturday in jail look a little suspect.
I was really proud of me too last night! Found a discarded hamburger that I have no memory of at the foot of the bed. Instead of a Dude. I'm really growing as a person
Why the fuck was I face down on the floor with you mounting me like a horse anyway? I'm so confused
STOP PUTTING BUTTER ON MY FUCKING CAT
For a second I thought he was going to give me an intervention
You can't give interventions in a bar!
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