can you pick up eggs and chocolate sauce on your way home?
what kind of party is this?
the best kind ever
I seriously just washed my dick in a public restroom. That's how dirty last night got
just got invited to smoke a bowl by a guy who has a prostetic leg and has been on the jerry springer show multiple times. I love my life right now
I SWALLOWED her nuva ring. Please tell me how your night could have been worse.
Just had a flashback of you announcing "your nipples aren't that big for the size of your boobs, I've seen them"
Do you ever just look at me and get embarrassed?
He knows my period schedule but not my work schedule.
Someone just took a shot from my crotch. I should not have to drive home
Just hook me up with your dad already stop being selfish
When the question of, do you know who's ass has been on the cake you are eating is said... Good or bad party?
Almost threw up on my grandmother as she walked in the house. Had to run to the bathroom and vomit my brains out. Prolly getting taken out of the Will now.
Omg, those nutella cakes are heavenly, like licking the nipples of a muscular black Jesus.
She had a tattoo of Luke Bryan on her thigh and she made me waffles. Can I have two fiancees?
i can't even hate his new girlfriend cuz she survived a fucking brain tumor. like that's just not fair.
I'm spring cleaning all of the fuck boys out of my life.
Randomize
