He is like the real live version of the state fair..
Watching the tv in the reflection of my phone cause I'm too hungover to roll over.... Yes it is 4 PM...
Yes I have a handle on life. A handle of Svedka.
Dan marino should def buy this ambulance. But not this one. I'm gonna fuck this ambulance up
I love it. Like, more than my penis at the moment.
No one suspects that a sweet girl who is excited about her anniversary with her bf just blew her partner at work in a communal area a few hours ago, so its cool.
My underwear said "hard to get" on the butt. He laughed when he took them off.
BTW rolling him off the couch and onto that tarp was pure genius. He definitely pissed himself last night.
When you wake up, I have a unicorn coloring book, crayons, mini cupcakes, and booze.
I'm getting high with a 50 year old car wash guy. Enough said.
You guys go ahead and have your romantic night. I'm gonna keep my vday tradition alive of angry banging a stranger.
Another guy on Tinder just asked about "the hotter girl" in my pictures. I fucking hate being your friend.
You just had sex during the movie Radio. This is an all time low
WHAT THE FUCK HAPPENED. WHO CAME HOME WITH ME. WHAT THE FUCK RESPOND ASAP I AM SO CONFUSED
Come over. Bring drugs. My sister is making cookies. She took Valium. They should be badass cookies.
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