you opened the fridge, pissed on the food, fell over, then threw up on yourself. thats whats all over the kitchen.
you used progresso chicken soup as a mixer last night
I may have a concussion but the symptoms are the same as a hangover so I can't tell. Best 21st ever.
I think the multiple Sunday morning sirens outside my window are a plot by the cops to get back at me for the shit we pulled last night. Or I should move to a better area.
If we both finish he brings me a beer and cookies, if only he finishes I get wine and cheesecake. I think I'm in love.
I learned something last night. Strippers can be on house arrest?
The plan is that you eat an edible first, then pressure your dad to do one. You know you are down.
I just watched Matt try to put on a pillowcase thinking it was a t-shirt.
when the repo soundtrack came on in the middle of us having sex i realized it was about time that i clear out my itunes library
It's not even 8 pm, or Saint Patrick's Day, and Kevin is drunk on my roof humping the air
If he cant deal with my insomnia and sex drive I really feel sorry for his child and ex fiance. Adulthood breakups are depressing.
Drunk me is basically the Oprah of nudes. Everyone gets one.
while on the topic of showers...why is there apple juice in our bathtub?
I didn't know it was possible and I don't know if I'll ever be able to do it again on my own but he literally fuck me sideways.
this poor kid thinks hes going to have his first time with both of us
Randomize
