They only remember me when they're drunk...I'm like a suppressed memory.
I introduced him to the male G-Spot. Don't ever tell me I'm not experienced.
How does me getting a new dildo make you crave olive garden
Just ran into that guy that tried to take a dump in your pool
you trust me enough to eiffel tower a girl but don't trust me with a mallet wtf happened to our friendsship
He ate me out like a beaver on a tree. I've never been so scared in my life
Ugh. This is the type of hangover that all other hangovers want to grow up to be.
I just learned a new drink. Sloppy Ninja. Half Saki Half Nyquil
Now the circle is complete. Just interviewed a guy who was a higher up member of the team I worked for in my job before this place
Sex on acid. Try it. I thought we were fucking in outer space with fireworks inside a rocketship car. Best.
we just ate hash browns in a nativity scene with baby jesus
Nothing says "i love you" more than flowers and potatoes
This is like a walk of shame down memory lane.
We should leave before they realize I dumped a bowl of Fritos in your bag just in case I got hungry
TURNS OUT they were both cheating. Like the Gift of the Magi except for shitty people
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