So, how was the dinner
Just like the ex wife, cold, fatty, and expensive.
is it wrong that I prefer my women with low self esteem and a smidgen of an eating disorder?
Walk of shame... his parents made me go to church with them first. in my club top sweat pants and slippers. i just slapped god in the face
Just hit him with your car. I can guarantee he won't do it again.
I want to do something romantic. Like gargle champagne before I put your dick in my mouth.
he told me he didn't know whether he was gonna puke, pass out, or cum. i don't know if i should be flattered or offended.
Watching elf, eating a tub of ice cream, and coming to terms with the fact that I haven't had sex in 5 months. Happy fucking holidays.
Someone put a huge skyy vodka bottle in our washing machine. My roommate didn't see it and ran it. The washing machine split in two. #life
I have no idea how but i got a hold of a blue food dye packet. And proceeded to rub it all over my tits. So yeah i'd say its safe to say i'll be known as smurfette for a while
like, is this a date?? I'm sitting on his couch drinking a juice box while he makes taquitos in sweat pants
She puked off the side of the cruise ship onto a newlyweds balcony table and they watched it all happen then they made her clean it up
I said "one day" and that day is not today
Afterwards the first thing I said was, "You know, you're probably the first guy who has ever gotten laid wearing Star Wars pajama bottoms."
Well, he was practically tripping over his dick to get to me so I'd say my new dress was successful
It's like the perfect sandwich, once you find it you want to ensure your future access to it.
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