i cant decide if i should go fuck j*** or keep watching real genius
It's like a parade of train wrecks.
TIT CHECK! TIT CHECK! ALERT! ALERT!!!!
At least you're going to bed with all the teeth you woke up with
he just fed my chickens on farmville...i guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex<3
You were absolutely insistent that the entire bar knew that it was peanut butter jelly time
I need to get my pants from under your porch. People are asking questions.
Hey..um, you dont know me, but I just found your purse in a bush at the end of my street this morning
He's texting from midnight mass asking for nude pics. Baby Jesus is spinning in his manger as we speak
I've been up for almost three hours and it took me until JUST NOW to figure out that what I'm tasting isn't blood, just the minerals in the water. Fuck hangovers, man.
I was just at home taking Vicodin for a week straight. Talk about a vacation.
i thought you were just a really comfy body pillow until i sobered up. oops.
Regardless I WANT TO BE YOUR SEX DISPENSARY. that is like the career I was born for.
So who has the penis shaped party tray? You or your mom?
Can’t. Tonight’s a netflix and dick night
Randomize
