**i WaNt TO sLaP mY niECe wHO ThINks iT iS cUte tO WriTE LiKE tHiS**
Just dunked an oreo in a white russian. Trying to think of a better experience in my life and failing.
the brownie started to kick in before i finished the essay... it became a race against my own increasing intoxication
Somehow he came on his own face...then he freaked out
shes 19, drunk and said she has no gag reflex. im trying to decide if i have scruples
you dont
i dont
The fact that both my ribs are severely bruised from shoving flasks in my bra might be a validation of my mothers alcoholic accusation
blah blah blah they called me an alcoholic because I threw my beer at a Jesus freak. it was for the best
First booty call in Europe.. In Barcelona. With a German. In broad daylight.... Is that how they do it here?
I decided not to eat, and then this man was my fairy " don't black out" godmother
Hey in a lighter note I also nutted in that cheerleader too if she got prego there would have been a team reunion on Maury
I came in shy and timid. By the end of the night I hulked out broke two lamps, their coffee table, some plates, and still had sex.
Drunk me just left a note for sober me apologizing for all the fucking crumbs in our bed
Until you've snorted cocaine at 6am before your nursing school clinicals birthing babies you're not on my level
He made me pay for half of dinner. Fucking feminist revolution.
Next time I think it’s a good idea to hook up with any of your wife’s family members or friends just kick me in my dick
Randomize
