He just said "Chunky" very loudly in his sleep.
We named our saturday intramural dodgeball team "we're hungover". Pretty much just an excuse to fuel my alcoholism on friday nights.
last night i found out that about 5 of my friends audio recorded us having sex through the bedroom door, then auto tuned it in the tpain app on his iphone.
I'd like to come home and be able to sleep in a bed that's not filled with crumbs from you getting too high and passing out while eating. This is seriously getting ridiculous.
I'm in his phone as "nashville blowjob" he also has "cleveland blowjob" "vegas blowjob" etc. i'm okay with this.
Dan marino should def buy this ambulance. But not this one. I'm gonna fuck this ambulance up
I want to get business cards and hand them to hot guys and say " hey if you ever want to like makeout and pretend it never happened call me"
He always tells me he misses my clit. I feel like I should make a drinking game out of it
Dude that's beautiful. I've never heard of someone smoking with their bunny.
I feel like I have a connection with him. A marijuana-induced-spiritual connection.
I just blocked a guy on grindr for having a little dick. See? I do have standards.
I can't. I drank 10 years off my life last night. I need to reevaluate. Sorry.
correction: my vagina hates that I'm smart.
It's 4 am here and I just vomited myself awake....Not rising OR shining any time soon
When I go to hand him the blunt and he's eating a cookie and responds with "let me hit this cookie"
You turned down sex for fried cheese??
My penis and doctor won't be happy with me, but come on. Fried cheese!
Randomize
