I just beer bonged a sparks. You better get your ass over here because no one is on my level yet
Judging by my dry clothes and wet sheets, I think I might have gotten out of bed, pissed ON it, covered it up, and passed out on top of it
We fucked in my basement while hiding from the cops.. And now his Facebook picture is him and others holding up there MIP's in front of my house.. I feel obligated to add him as a friend.
Woke up in an unfamiliar pair of underwear, running shoes but no socks, and a cowboy hat. Thank you crown royal
That makes the second boyfriend of hers that I've fucked. I'm gonna start keeping an eye on every guy she even speaks to. Girl is my sexual rabbit's foot.
I tried to bribe him with road head and his toothbrush.
it wasn't until he got that douchey haircut that i started regretting sleeping with him
In other news: I found out that my mom used to fuck my newest fuck buddy's dad when they were in school.
Germany has fetish clubs for everything. We are going to Germany. Germany is our friend.
He was pretty bad, I wanted pizza the whole time.
There's a guy running dressed as a bunny toward your house.
I found a used condom in my purse this morning. It was in there with a bunch of smushed french fries.
A real best friend would support the hoe in me. Not remind me of what happened the last time I slept with a boss
Well when we Get drunk it gets rowdy. We could always attempt self-control. But historically and statistically speaking, we fail at that.
her idea of a romantic time is a bottle of jager, some Guacamole and chips.
can't go wrong with guac.
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