He uses pillows to masturbate.
Did Kevin really put his bar tab under the name Hercules last night?
Okay, we really need to start training for the St Pattys parade. 48 hours of green beer won't end well if we don't prep ourselves. 2 week bender starts now
there is a strobe light in my taxi. in what way is this safe.
Cuz last time you told me I was going to be shocked about something you got a hand job from a stripper in canada
im just laying here pukin in my mouth and swallowing it 'cause im WAY too lazy to actually get up and find a place to vomit. this is my life now.
You slow clapped the stripper last night.
We really have to stop convincing people tazing is the cool thing to do.
Just found out my rents have been paying my siblings to cockblock me for the past 5 years
Not as covert as you thought huh?
He fell into the beer pong table and broke it. Then he threatened to throw the toliet at us if we didn't let him keep playing
Such a big mess for such a small penis
Quit being awkward towards me every time the group is together. They're going to figure out we're fucking.
I think we might need a safe word for this...
My debit card was between my ass cheeks when i woke up. i vaguely remember putting it there for safe keeping
Stranded. In bathroom stall. No toilet paper. I repeat NO TOILET PAPER! Assistance needed asap. GO! GO! GO!
Randomize
