btw ... thanks for not giving me up as the craigslist killer
i owe you one
thanks for snagging those panties for me
I did that thing again where I get way too drunk and go gay. Then wake up in the morning and freak out at the person. Yet another bar I cannot go back to
so after morning sex, she rolled a joint and turned on sports center
you might have found the rare bro goddess. i thought they were myth
Graduating is kinda bittersweet. Now I'm gonna have to find another excuse to day-drink and sleep until 3pm besides "I'm in college."
She kept saying my hands are a cupcake factory
I keep confusing the name of her and her dog. Both are appropriate.
Bring fortys. we have the duct tape. its onnn mothafuckaaaa
Back of his car in the Starbucks parking lot WITH HIS APRON STILL ON. Check and Mate.
Holy shit. You won barista bingo AND the Triple Crown in one day.
Dude I'm driving around California right now hiding little bags of weed in random places like Easter eggs so that I can come back and find them later
I'm not sure what exactly you were planning, but you kept yelling that we were going to need a lot of midgets and a lawyer.
we fucked in the backseat of my car at the observatory, right under the stars. it was a starry, orgasmic filled night
"We hooked up and in the morning he emailed me his mix tape"
He's actually really cute and seems like a good guy. And given that he likes lots of drugs, he could come in handy.
Are you telling me right now that the weed man sexted you?
THE WEED MAN SEXTED ME!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
he was just sitting there in his underwear... and his chewbacca mask...
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