and then he said that the only reasonable explanation as to why I got swine flu was because all I ever do is join the bandwagon
I think hes settled down now. He's just licking the walls and the windows.
Whatever. I indirectly made you cum overseas. Call it even.
Just saw a 300lb woman fall down. Shes screaming like a beached manatee. Her 120lb boyfriend is trying to push her up. It's like watching an infant try to bench
Times like this, when you talk openly about Tinkerbell being your spirit animal, are times when I'm allowed to question your sexuality.
I even tried crushing up viagra and putting it in his beer... And the next day he found the package on the counter. I told him it was for my friends husband.
I imagine I kinda look like a banana with one boob out.
All I want to do is sleep. And If I'm not sleeping, I want to be eating or fucking. I'm pretty sure being pregnant has turned me into a dude.
Sometimes I think about the fact that I lost my virginity while watching anime and I wonder what that says about me
Doug will be the one to get my vagina. I don't know when or how but I'm now declaring that it is his. And he better not disappoint.
Tis the season to play Pocahontas! (AKA: Eat a bunch of acid and run around the yard barefoot, the first person to see the colors of the wind, wins!)
I mean I made my therapist laugh so hard she cried....so yes, my life is literally a joke to everyone
I have a bottle of rum in my pocket...what does that say about me...
You come prepared
Dude, you screamed I AM THE WALRUS while giving a statue of Ronald McCdonald a lapdance. You were NOT sober.
I just bartered a blowjob for the ex-fiancée's engagement ring. FTW!
Randomize
