i just farted in a meeting....took me completely by surprise.
so you made the shocked face and they caught you.
yup.
and that's how I found out my dad doesn't believe in towels... holiday magic.
I woke up with fried rice in my sweatshirt pocket came downstairs and found all the chicken in the fridge gone. I'm THAT roommate aren't I?
There's a guy at this party taking all the unfinised beers and pouring them into a pitcher so he can drink them tomorrow.
Just bonged a beer from a vuvuzela...this place is only doing good for me
it's official, i've been high in 26 different states, and three different countries.
I think Charlie st. Cloud is the saddest thing I can masturbate to.
On the plus side I got to ride in a fire truck and I didn't have to blow anybody for it
My mouth already tastes like senor cuervo took a piss in it and it's barely 1 am
im tired of her bring homeless men home when shes drunk. THEY ARE NOT FUCKING PETS!!!!
The pigeons can smell the fear
Wtf
Are you doing that thing where you're convinced I made a terrible decision
Daily.
Sex in your truck helped me start regaining feeling in my jaw. Thanks!
This is gonna be the kind of weekend where if it involves putting on pants, it ain't happening.
He casually compared computer science to childbirth and I was like "hey, as someone who has wanted to fuck you for six months now, could you please never talk about childbirth ever again"
Randomize
