I tried to give up sex for lent. It feels weird that on easter I'm this excited to be a whore again
yep. he's not circumcised. how did it take me six months to realize THAT?
Im going to bring a boy home tonight, and not tell him that I have my period. So when he tries to fuck me, I say no, and look really classy. Then he thinks I'm marriage material. So I give him head.
According to Glamour magazine, experiencing sexual pleasure helps you live longer. I am dying an early death.
i refuse to live in a world where loud threesomes in your own apartment are referred to as "rude"
did you yell "are you not entertained?"
Just found puke on my backpack while sitting in class. It's like this weekend won't leave me alone.
I don't know what to be prouder of: the fact that last night i was able to successfully find my way home from evanston with 3-d glasses on, or that i was able to make my way around my house in the dark with my pants around my ankles
Well. I went to a frat party where they mixed gin and Mountain Dew. My kingdom for some olives and vermouth.
I just did a booty-call caliber shave job in preparation for this weekend. Fuck being ladylike; I'm tryna get LAID-ylike
Can you bring me the toilet please
STOP HOOKING UP WITH SOCCER MOMS! YOU ARE RUINING MY REPUTATION!
Why was I lying under a truck last night?
We're gonna start a pole dancing competition or a bar fight. Stand by for results.
Ignore him I am the one that wears the pants in the relationship while "the big man" cries in bed
My parents are coming to visit the 28th. How bad is it that I put a reminder in my phone to "hide sex toys"?
Randomize
