Earlier, I saw a homeless man that looked like Abe Lincoln, and I just saw a guy walk past wearing crocs and socks. I'm beginning to like this city less and less
Turned in a paper today on drug abuse. Chose to write about percocet. Just realized I started 2 sentences with "This amazing drug"
drinking out of a sandbucket again
Its like fucking yourself in the head with a weed strapon
Changed it back. Somehow I didn't think my profile pic should be me shirtless on ecstasy, ya know?
Wingman of the year award. I made out with her gay roommate in order for you to get laid. Better have been good.
The gay roommate was probably better than her. Consider yourself lucky.
Sorry if this is weird, but please don't have sex in my truck. I get to be the first...
I asked the full emergency room who else was there because of homecoming and every single person raised their hand
My New Years Resolution is to get everyone to start talking like a 40 year old douchebag. From now on, you will only refer to me as Chief.
You just kept screaming "PLEASE YELL CORNDOG AT HIM. PLEASE. CORNDOG."
Naw. I'm tired and I'd have to shave my legs. I doubt the sex or the company would be worth it.
what i'd really like is a nice helping of naked boyfriend with a side of naked boyfriend.
I walked into the living room this morning and he was there with 3 shots in a row. He said it was "tea time."
was his pinky out?
im mourning your vaginas lack of frictional upkeep
So just spent 30 minutes of my life talking to my cousins friend who told me she buys cocaine from a pizza place by asking for extra Parmesan
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