This girl is more easily done than said...
You drink too much
No, I drink just the right amount - too often.
I can only masturbate in one position. It's very inconvenient.
to do: lose virginity to hamster dance
apparently vodka and oj turns green when you throw it up
basic color theory
I woke up naked this morning there was a baseball bat on the floor the bathroom door knob was removed and the floor was wet. This is why i don't do Tequila shots.
One last question would your parents let me sleep in your bathtub for the night?
apparently dick flashing is a frowned upon sport here..... sorry girlfriends mom
IM A DRUNK BIRTHDAY CLEOPATRA MESS. CELEBRATE THAT BITCH
Good. I hope they all got E.Coli from snorting coke off of some homeless prick's asshole.
Stripping out of my teacher clothes to Talk Dirty to Me. Who let me become a teacher?
I was going to say that I wasn't sure how that happened... but then I remembered that I bonded with the Australians over vitamins and INXS and they bought me tequila.
We found you walking up the on ramp to the highway carrying a 40 mph speed limit sign with no shoes on. Rough night?
My manager caught me going taking a nap in an empty room. Apparently she sleeps there too.
Then it hit me - his penis wasn't a shiny new toy anymore and I wanted a new one.
Randomize
