she makes me feel like im THAT guy in the taylor swift song
we were in your room and your mom was singing twinkle twinkle little star in the hallway. so you decided to scream "twinkle? TWINKLE! What Fucking little star?!"
Um, I don't really remember much about the event... and then I woke up on the metro..
He told me he wanted to break up so he could get "closer to God."
Does God suck his dick?
well, I was going to forgive her anyway but not because shes my best friend and moreso because shes my drug dealer
Guys with values who care about your personality don't cum on your back the 2nd time they you sleep with you.
Dude if i sent you a picture of the inside of my fridge would you be able to break down and explain everything that was in it?
I guess "Ass Fun Friday" is not a thing no matter how many times I say it or bring it up in conversation...
Got 3360 Shoppers points for buying Plan B. I guess this all worked out for the best.
She wanted to get out of there before you guys woke up so she wouldn't let me find my underwear. Lol So I apologize to whoever finds that in your room.
I haven't answered because I haven't figured out a polite way of saying fuck no
I'm really sorry I bit your mom last night, it was completely uncalled for.
he told me that I'm basically going to be the mom of the house when they move in...i like to see it as being a MILF without the responsibility of real children
You need to get a passport so we can carry our bad decisions over the border
I am not a whore. I just wanted casual drinking, monogamous sex and occasional McDonald's runs.
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