hey is it cool if i invite some fat girls to the party so i can be the skinny one?
yeah okay. but if i take one home with me you have to come over in the morning and tell her to get her shit and go.
I vomitted in the hotel where they film gossip girl last night. Everywhere.
I might have a beer. Just to keep this hangover on its toes.
josh has a chalupa in his pocket if you're hungry.
Great I'll forever be branded as gym slut at the new gym.
Um I think everyone drunk and there's some douche on violin.
I feel like if tampons weren't meant to be microwaved, they'd have a warning on the box, so we should be okay...
Seriously you've eaten pizza pockets for every meal for the past 4 days
Well to be fair I wasn't alive for breakfast 2 out of 4 days
If you think for one second that I would forget Mardi Gras, you clearly don't know how much I love boobs.
Well if homeless lesbian experimenting divorcée is your new M.O., you're gonna need to start drinking more anyway so if that's what it takes to talk about it tomorrow afternoon, bottoms up bitch
WHY IS THERE NO EMOJI FOR "FUCK MY MOM JUST SAW MY SEX BRUISES?!"
If the ex isent in town and im crying under a table somewhere because of it can we go to a drag show or something
ok so i took my anxiety medication and i'm eating junior mints and i think my vagina will be ok
I successfully navigated a full, lengthy interaction with my dad in which he never asked me if I was freshly baked. 10 points.
Got an egg Mcmuffin combo, and put the hash brown in the sandwich. That level of hungover
Randomize
