Her gag reflex was as absent as a father figure must have been in her childhood
From inside my college history class i see him waving his arms while holding a beer bong trying to get my attention
I've thrown up so many times in the third floor bathroom of Baldwin that they should probably just go ahead and name it after me.
I just dropped off shoes at Mike's hotel. The chick he hooked up with last night stole his phone and shoes.
She sat on the toilet backwards so that she could hold onto the back part for balance. No she's not ready to go home.
I wasn't a groupie because I didn't carry his guitar home
Side note: the physics of a guy my size and age getting laid in the backseat of a Toyota Camry are absolutely staggering
Goddamn it Peter ur the only person i know who can make going down on a girl a competition.
She won. Twice.
I'm in public and Taylor Swift is playing. It is taking all my effort to not screech like a goat.
i think the realest test of our friendship is how hot your sister looks right now
Every time I try to do something productive I end up searching ghost porn.
And thanks for putting me in that safety position on the bathroom floor while I was spooning the toilet
Calm down I'm not kidnapping the bartender
Bruh, I wanna absorb into the deck.
I wanna become a plank.
God I love xanex.
I swear he is my soulmate. He kept feeding me goldfish while we were fucking. Who wouldn't enjoy that while having sex.
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