Most awkward sex ever...
And im texting you in the middle.
Hey I found a place that'll do a hand job for 42 bucks
We watched a biography of Frida Kahlo in class today. It was depressing. A chick with a UNIBROW just put my sex life to shame.
Don't tell me wow. Tell me this is normal for college and in no way am I a whore.
You should've come to the party. It was like an identity parade of everyone you screwed last year.
happy find a boyfriend by next Valentines Day. Its like a new years resolution but depressing
I don't care if he was in that porno. He looked like he knew what he was doing.
You need a twittervention. You're better than this.
My gyno overestimated by 3 TIMES the amount of sex we have per week. First of all, he must think I'm a freak. Secondly, I think we should catch up.
Say what you will, but only I can throw up on someone's door and make it look like art.
That's the last time I'm letting you drink that apple vodka
To be honest I've become too lazy for the work involved in getting laid.
You run marathons and you're too lazy for sex? Priorities, man.
Touche.
My left boob kept making random appearances last night.
I'm worried about your health. And your boobs. Actually, health, then boobs. Health first, boobs second. And third.
there's people who respect me enough not to bang on my bed and i think that's beautiful
Well my mom knows that the welt I had on my forehead last month was the result of a sex accident. This holiday sucks
Randomize
