u know ur drinking tonight lol i dont know why you try to deny it
but i dont wanna get emotional and drunk text
then give me ur phone
NEVER!!
dude, the reading rainbow guy was just talking to a HOLOGRAM
Are you sure you're not watching Star Trek?
wait... oh
I was up until 12:30 making that damned grammar test for my freshmen then I caught myself running through the verb tenses when I was giving him head.
"I have sucked, I will suck, I will have suck, I am sucking..." I've never felt more like a nerdier slut than last night.
PS Can you transmit a UTI to a sexual partner? I tried to ask, but the doctor just told me to abstain (sup Bristol) for my own good w/o answering
I caved and texted him. But it's strictly drug dealing business so it doesn't count.
The cop was more concerned with the syringes on the dash board than looking for the source of the smoke. Thank god for diabetes!
Consider it an appointment to improve my blow job capabilities.
I guess I'm just gonna have to learn to live with the fact that I'm the guy who takes his pants off at the party and tries to start an orgy
I'm not saying I would have to be high to sleep with him. I'm just saying it would probably help.
You are lucky that I'm drunk. Otherwise I would bone you into another universe
You are the human incarnation of a drinking problem
I swear to fucking god if he takes away netflix I will have no problem sending his gf our sex videos
We woke up on vday and got high and played frisbee in our living room for a couple hours and then had sex. It was probably the most romantic valentine's day i've ever had
I'm just going to take a nap and hope I wake up more attractive.
No one knows how to work that "I pulled a muscle in my leg" drunk swagger like you can
Randomize
