do you want me to make hamburgers?
i'm vegan
i'll put lettuce on them
So can we just skip dinner and I'll just pay you for a blowjob?
Don't tempt me, I need beer money.
Somehow after we left in 3 different cars to all go to different places we still all ended up in the emergency room
we where pretty evenly matched until he threw me through that wall
Just got Netflix. Dexter Marathon. Still in my PJ's. Only eaten cookie dough and drinking a 40. I have never reeked so strongly of lonely .
I think I should receive an honorary Heisman... I mean, I did sleep with two of the finalists
Do you have paint?
Paint? I wish
OMG WHAT ARE YOU DOING
I'd say things got weird when I started doing lines of molly in the box.
The family next to you was not pleased
I think curling is the best thing to watch when you're baked.
Oh my god, it's like someone broke the off button in my butthole
wanna see your best friend chug a bottle of steak sauce?
please go to sleep
Not sure how but he broke three of his fingers while giving a blowjob. How does someone that accident prone survive to adulthood?
I just watched an intern spill two trays of coffee inside a spinning door
Best exit from a building ever
I just did my taxes to sober up, I'm THAT hungover
yea, she was legit pissed that her rasberry vodka ice cubes never actually froze. but we couldnt convince her otherwise.
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