My gift to the freshman: I made an illegal stop, rolled out and dropped to my hands and knees and puked in front of the south campus dorms and about 20 families. Welcome to OSU
you win again, gameday.
So Delta doesn't take cash. I used my card to buy a drink and asked the attendant if she could leave it open.
The "don't get cum on anything" rule also applies to my furniture and scarves
That's not technology. Doesn't count.
Apparently I yelled "no stop it" in my sleep last night when he tried to cuddle with me.
Oops, guess its official. I just use him for sex.
Lube is flammable
Who is this??
Omg just had weirdest best cab advice situation ever. I kissed the cabbies hand as I was leaving like he was the pope and cried
It is no longer St. Patrick's Day. I should NOT still have green boobs!
You called me at 3 am laughing like an idiot. Apparently you consider breaking out of the hospital to be a lifetime achievement.
I just want to be able to run around naked and eat grass with no judgments and have people feed me and expect me to sleep all the time.
Only my second night back in town and I already have drunk middle aged women doing the robot around me in a circle.
He seems like a nice guy. I mean, I know he's married and he's essentially paying me to be his side hoe, but he really seems like a good person.
There are two guys here arguing over Pearl jam and Nirvana. 1991 wants its argument back.
But like, I don't remember getting hit with the door... I just come out from peeing and there was blood running down my face.
That awkward moment when you were so fucking drunk lastnight that you and your fuck buddy wake up wearing eachother's clothing covered in hot cheetos with his cat curled up between your heads meowing. Thought you'd appreciate this moment with me.
Randomize
