i don't know her name but she is cooking me brkfst then helpin me find my car.
she hot?
i don't wanna talk about it
in vegas stuck in the middle of a pride right now
Pride?
thats a pack of cougars
go fuck yourself
My professor just gave us a margarita recipe.
Why?
Because, and I quote, he "wants to give us the tools to succeed in life."
She's currently celebrating her completion of "Sober October" with "Margarita Shit-Show November."
Everyone threw up but him. I took off my shirt because I puked on it. There were also a lot of drag queens involved.
I'm venturing to your corner of this sin house in t minus 2 minutes.
Hmmm. I never knew the difference. I've done either one and had stronger or weaker versions but usually if i took enough, i tripped balls. That should be a PSA for kids... if you take drugs and the drugs are weak, just take more drugs... The More You Know
Remember that girl that we found passed out in the dorm study room under a pile of money and jimmy johns wrappers? She's standing right on front of me.
somebody should make me the poster child for not drinking everclear..
Well at least I will forever be known as the girl he ate out on the lifeguard stand while people walked by. On the first date.
Kick open the door, strike a pose, steal a boyfriend, end scene.
The thing I'm gonna miss about him is his dick.
Hey how're your balls?
Don't ever let me helicopter again.
I added our drug dealer to the quickbooks software babe, he is listed under vendor's as an expense category... money management is such a bitch...
If there's one thing I think I could really excel it, it's curating a midlife crisis
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