Yo dont text me then not text me
Paul doesn't remember going to the bar and slept on someone's porch...doesn't know whose porch...maybe near Howard U.
so the sex was amazing up until the point where she said "wow, you're even better than your dad!"
Just saw the liqour store owner get into a mercedes, almost proud to be responsible for that
kerrys trying to convince everyone in the bar shes a lesbian. cheers to not being the drunkest girl in the room. i probably wont piss myself tonight.
Listen, Pinot Grigio got me pregnant. It can get you a boyfriend.
i'm pretty sure i'm on the same train we took last friday..
what?how do you know?
it appears they have not cleaned up your vomit yet.
I really need to stop drunk texting. My one night stand just agreed to go roller skating.
All I want is for every tall lanky young guy who is reading in a Starbucks to go balls deep in me. That's all.
Maybe you should start carrying pepper spray. You are like the Justin Bieber of lesbians.
If I don't go to Australia I'm using that towards a new car. If I do I'll use it to buy a koala.
Yeah, I only wore tennis shoes under the gown. Way cooler than khakis and a shirt, but much more awkward when my parents wanted to go to dinner immediately after the ceremony and my grandmother started to unzip the gown. Stopped her before it was too late, but barely. My dad just rolled his eyes.
How drunk is she?
She's trying to French braid the dogs hair, there's no stopping her
I just realized I haven't had a date or a potential possibility of a date in about a year. Then I realized I wanted to actually go on a date. But I'm sitting here getting high instead of being at a party. Life.
I just got a handjob in the back of an Uber while a large German dude and a Midwestern fuck-boi sang along in falsetto to the Bohemian Rhapsody.
Randomize
