So I've decided that when I turn 50 and have to have a colonoscopy I'm going to leave a surprise for the doctor to find.
okay I may or may not have wrapped my body pillow up in your t-shirt and sprayed it with your axe and am now spooning with it.
again? I'm starting to get a little creeped out now.
I would invite you but we are high and there is an AK-47. Not your scene.
I can't see straight with both eyes and ive only been at the bar for an hour. Someone else typed this for me.
I'm taking a new approach to homewrecking... for science. Or I totally would. I have to see what happens between my ex & his brother when he finds out.
There is a girl in my drunk limo who hasn't seen an uncircumcised penis. Hook me up with a picture.
we're like Indians of the 21st century. trading not for food and survival but personal gain and by trouble you mean getting daytime drunk and going to the roller ring then yes.
Friend date it is then. Question: Can friends engage in sexual activities after dates?
He showed up in a dinosaur costume bearing a tray of cupcakes. He even let me hold his tail. I'm marrying this guy.
Well for number 40 i would prefer to at least like the guy attached to the dick
Hey. My eyes swollen shut and I can't find my shoes. How was your night?
To be honest I've become too lazy for the work involved in getting laid.
You run marathons and you're too lazy for sex? Priorities, man.
Touche.
This will always be remembered as the Christmas I had 15 Russians sing christmas carols to me at 130am alone in a gas station while I was stoned on pot brownies
I made out with a girl because I wanted to get in the VIP section of the bar because they have these big comfy couches. It worked.
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns
Randomize
