Just found out what was wrong with Esther. Turns out she's 33 and still not married. This explains everything.
I felt weird they were both staring at me waiting for the scoop on how your vagina felt.
It's sore actually
I knew you were drunk when you poured scotch on a croissant and ate it.
Just had to explain to a senior manager why I had duct tape residue on my wrist and hand. This weekend was a success.
just got invited to smoke a bowl by a guy who has a prostetic leg and has been on the jerry springer show multiple times. I love my life right now
I was sleeping on the bathroom floor and thought a wet towel might keep me warm.
did she really put a helmet on, try to make a hole in the wall then pass out on the floor ten minutes later? if thats true ill be there in 15
you're being stingy. if you didnt want people to have sex on your couch, you shouldve specifically said so.
Like do you hear me I PUKED IN MY OWN HANDS AND HE STILL SAID I WAS GORGEOUS
There is a positive side to a sinus infection. Exclusively cowgirl sex. I've convinced her I'd pass out if I had to do the work.
Her only article of clothing is an American Flag
yeah...well...life isn't all puppies & lap dances
I get so many dick pics from him...He has an unhealthy obsession with his own penis...
omg so there's this guy on the roof and he just stripped for no reason and now i think he's making out on the rooftop with some other guy? who are these people
You're the air beneath my wings and the lookout when I pee
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