Do you remember getting into a Delorean last night?
I just dry heaved the smell of jagerbombs....which proceeded to make me hurl for real.
i've noticed that whenever i have to ask myself "would i be doing this if i was sober?" the answer is probably no.
He poured syrup on all those broken dishes because "syrup is magical, and by the time we wake up, they'll be fixed."
We really need to stop competing to see who can get more drunk, and I REALLY need to stop winning.
It's horrible of you to say your above all this when the bar uses your drunk picture to scare people.
My lips are sealed. Both pairs.
Goats are brash and offensive and cocky animals
Are you high and at a petting zoo again?
I feel like every picture I upload of him on facebook where you can see his purity ring, I should make the caption "something in this picture does not belong"
I'm the man of the house if we're referring to livers.
I think when Jesus turned water into wine it was a sign that we should get drunk off Sangria tonight. Do it for Jesus. He died for your sins.
Me and you. The most fucked up people on the planet drinking together. Hell yeah
I just got a text from a guy. The python is ours if we want.
Have you ever been so high that you felt like corduroy? I'm at that level.
Would you think less of me if I were eating pizza on the toilet right now?
Randomize