The bartender laughed but the manager kicked me out when the mom conplained. There's no way my fart harmed that baby in any way
Get out here. Doing shots with the delivery guy. Also, the food is here
Apparently she was filling Miller Lite bottles with water because I refused to be seen drinking water in a bar
I just want a guy that likes cats and is willing to get a vasectomy. IS THAT SO MUCH TO ASK?!
It's a never ending cycle of men I've fucked knowing other men I've fucked. I need a new town.
im half tempted just to scoot up to him and whisper "I'm not wearing underwear" but idk if thats a heartfelt apology
From what I heard you ordered him to lick your balls. Unless you've kept a huge secret I understand his confusion.
I think I'm at a stage of my life where I subconsciously purposefully fuck everything up just to see if I can find a way out of it.
But lunch with my dad really just means an hour and a half of him telling me how he's disappointed and how he knows I'm on drugs
Also barcrawl friday. You ARE wearing a tiara
I also have bagel bites. I know that's not as big an incentive as the cocksucking but.....
I left my red butterfly dildo laying on my bedroom floor this morning....my landlord is currently showing the house to people. Fuck can't ever face him again.
When he identified himself as captain clitoris i knew my night was fucked.
I'm currently watching porn and playing beer pong with wine in the lobby of a hotel with a squadron of hot airforce guys. You can never say your life is better than mine again
No, he came home, unscrewed all of the lightbulbs, and threw them in the sink.
Randomize
