textsfromlastnight.com keeps rejecting me
that alone proves you never get laid, nor have a life.. or have anything funny to contribute to the world.
you told the bartender not to open the bottle because you were gonna put it in your purse in case you get cut off later
i just got cockblocked by a guy drinking wine straight out of the bottle with a straw...
i don't really know how much tequila is too much
Ohmy god im about to fuxk my TA. i thyought this was a dream but i love you. <3
this girl is like a spa retreat for my dick
He is the one I "technically" lost my virginity to.
I feel like you never had a virginity..
You climbed into the Suite next to us at the game so you could steal the half eaten hot dog someone had left on the table. That high.
woke up to see a man wearing a sailor hat and covered in vomit sneaking out the door. Epic night indeed.
Please God, is a penis possibly making it to vagina town to much to ask for tonight.
Just made out with the guy who gave me my tour. Full circle college win.
Heat not working dressed like an eskimo. A real one with a ski sock on my junk
I preemptively put on a cape before eating a bunch of weed brownies. Best decision ever.
Oh my god, are you sexting me while watching the Democratic debate.
100%
Now I'll never know if it was me that got you worked up, or Bernie Sanders' social policies.
im ready to get drunk and forget everything ive learned this semester
Randomize
