I'm going to get drunk on champagne by myself.
Oh no wait my cat's here. Thank god for a second there I sounded really sad.
so for future reference,at what point did you feel like a line had been crossed?
if you think for one second that i'm not using my mittens as hand puppets at the bar tonight then u dont know me at all!
You deserve yourself a blunt and a build a bear.
so we started it doggy style, but since we were really drunk kinda fell to the side and turned into a 'lazy dog'... my new favorite position btw
Did you really end last night's sexting with "Stay thirsty my friend"?
He made me keep his swollen nut cold with frozen bags of peas while rubbing his tummy because he said I had no choice.
I just told the toilet I loved it. Bad sign.
I love how my phone automatically capitalizes Margarita. R-e-s-p-e-c-t.
He's like... An octopus that touches my vagina in all these diff ways at the right times. It's almost unsettling
So you've been sexting me while spending time with your family
I'm a family man but I have priorities
I also don't hate being called a giant sack of cheese. Is that weird?
His 89 y/o father walked in on us. Judging by the gasp/moan, I don't think the 1920s prepared him to see another dude inside his son.
Shit. My boss is having me meet and greet with the new doc upstairs. Do you think his doctor powers will detect that I'm still high?
I just bought a mini nerf gun so he could make a bowl out of it, I deserve the fuck buddy of the year award!
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