Omg I just drooled on the screen of my phone from smiling with my mouth open while textin bahahahaahah
i just practiced my bj skills on a banana in front of the mirror
its going to be a good night
when I woke up the last searched thing on my phone was "how to make a fireproof dress" I need to stop drinking.
I made myself breakfast and everything and then whoever's house it actually was came downstairs very upset.
It was like a little tadpole swimming in the big ocean.
Hey just to warn you theres a really fat guy passed out in front of our front door snoring. Don't touch him, he's in god's hands now.
Ok say I was sexually attracted to a patient who also happens to be in high school...on how many levels is that illegal? And will I actually hear the laws break when I fuck him
Didn't I tell you I have developed a shameless theory about farting anywhere and everywhere? I'm too pretty so no one suspects me.
Holding a cold bottle of mikes hard lemonade against my pulverized taint....this is my Sunday night
Do you ever wonder what the men who we shamelessly objectify would think if they saw our texts in regard to them?
And when I feel bad about myself I go to the library and suck my pen over an open book, counting the seconds until a guy sits across from me and tries to get my attention
I did cocaine off my boobs last night. Then I wrote two essays and went on a run. Go me
He called my vagina "the man cave", and I found it charming
To shove my foot up anybody ass who tries to start shit. I'm not takin shit this year. That and I wanna volunteer somewhere to help make a difference
Hope everything goes ok. If it makes you feel better, I straightened vomit into my hair and killed a bird earlier.
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