Omg. There's def a kid, like 10 years old, sitting in a buggy at wal mart holding a sign that reads "I can't behave"
There isn't a single transaction on my online bank account that doesn't involve drugs or alcohol since November 12
I just want you to know the floor between our rooms isnt sound proof "Captain Cock"
Don't make me choose between a good grade and anal
just wokeup with my ethics textbook on my chest, animal crakers in my mouth and my dick in my hand. even aristotle doesn't have a theory for this one
My vagina just recognized that song.
only you would end up drunk at a subway with a one-eyed homeless man
um so slept at robs. he woke up, looked at me, and said ' oh my psychiatrists are gonna have a field day with this one' I think that's when you know you can't hang out with someone anymore
I woke up to a head of lettuce on my nightstand, someones Honda abandoned in my yard, the cat partially shaved, and a empty bottle of sailor hanging by a scarf from the rafters. Oh, and 26 people apparently came though and rubbed my back in the process of the night. Happy 23rd to me!
I can only take thier stupid "I think beauty school is for me" routine so long until I have to bitch slap them with some knowledge
my cat just photo bombed my nudie.. does this qualify me as a cat lady?
Shhhh less advice, more soothing words and dirty phrases
He gives me the same feeling I get when someone puts a margarita or German chocolate cake in front of me
Okay I'm ready to show you that my weiner still works
Too late, I'm convinced it's broken
I just remembered something. We made out last night, people cheered.
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