I think a homeless person took a bath in my mouth while I was sleeping :(
you were almost asleep and mumbling "your penis is on my cheek"
god is playing jersey shore on new years on purpose. he wants me to play drinking games and die. i wish he knew how serious this is.
Dude I'm 99% sure I'm witnessing an e-harmony date at panera, prob late 40's, this is better than the movies.
it was really awkward..i thought he had two dicks, but later realized it was jsut his roommate
not good my parents heard a big thud and found me passed out in the bathrrom abt an hr ago. hit my head arm and side. dont remember. real talk.
He shit in a sock dude, you can't come back from that
i had a long naked conversation with the cop on why is everything fun illegal
Dont care what i do tnt just as long as i get to chug a beer in somebodys face
Man...I want to get monumentally fucked tonight.
mhmm. we know where to go, which places have free bathrooms, how long you can be in one until its sketchy, we have this down to a science. we're like the college sophomore pregaming dream team
Would you think less of me if I said I was eating a toaster strudel in the bath.
I was so high I kept trying to flush the toilet with the light switch
Made out with sailor moon tonight. Childhood dreams do come true.
thank god my bra was in my purse... were all good
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