She looks like Robin Williams dressed as a frog.
I didn't know that people actually queef. Is this a real thing?
I believe so, yes.
Would you be offended if I asked if it has happened to you?
Apparently I called 911 everytime Sean Kingston told me to
The old woman next to me on the el smells like cupcakes...but she doesn't taste like cupcakes
totally got the gold medal for the best fence jump when the cops came.
you got so mad from losing a game of beerpong that you went into another room by yourself and practiced for an hour and a half.
omg. he's a virgin strip club employee who's going to college on a ping pong scholarship. this is unreal.
Sign #1 that I'm not ready to be a mother: I'm shopping for "maternity fishnets".
Let's have sex soon. Just us!! Its sad that I have to specify.
so... the fat chick just walked over, shook my hand, then introduced herself as "versatile". shoot me now.
I traded the garbage men the rest of my handle for a ride home. Best. Walk. Of. Shame. Ever.
It is 9pm, let the ass parade to the bars begin
You guys I wore sweatpants to work today because I simply forgot to put on real pants and I had a weed brownie and a juice box for breakfast. I am not ready for parenting.
I know the wedding is going to be a good time, I don't have to wear a bra with my dress
Come over. I have beer, your weird ass vegan pizza, and a raging hard on.
Marry me.
Randomize
