Holy shit I just stopped short on route 18 because I thought my gps was saying I had to turn right in 11 feet. After almost hitting the guardrail I realized I had to turn in 11 miles.
Fuck I'm high.
So I purposely left a bunch of metal in my pockets so that the smokin hot TSA officer would give me a pat down. Airport security just got fun
There are 9 condoms on my bed either i met the greatest girl ever last night or something horrible has happened.
There was a guy running for some position in our government named "young boozer" hell yes I voted for him
sleazy september. first one with mono loses.
My vagina is not really on board with my "emotional issues"
I've got 2 dollars. How do I turn this into alcohol?
I just had nipple jewelry returned to me in the law library.
I need a present that says please like me even though i'm banging your grandson
The problem is that you are trying to hold on to some dignity. Let it go. I hope your rash gets better.
I wish I were single again so I could actually have sex.
I'm on my way to bail our sister out of jail with our mother's credit card. How old are we??
The clothing optional portion of the night began around midnight. Then we did disgusting things to each other. It was beautiful.
As in, legitimately worried. You just sent me a 6 message long text that did not contain any complete words.
...blackout vacation is awesome. Where did you end up? I think i'm in Miami.
Hospital.
Randomize
