I promise you 4 toothbrushes taped together and lube does not do the trick
I woke up on a futon with 2 stolen budwiesers in my purse, 5 extra bucks, a sucker stuck to my shoe, one sock, and a stolen copy of the zombie survival guide
please tell me this is not legit
He said I was like bonnie and clyde all rolled into one but twice as trashy and 75% less clothes...
He obviously understands you completely.
The only reason anyone found out he threw up is because everyone heard it sizzle the bonfire out.
I guess she thought her walk of shame would be more dignified if she stole my dog
He has an intense fear that my cat will attack his balls while we're fucking
Gotcha. Well, I'm puking and trying to keep down water from a mug that says "love the moment" around the rim. Not loving this particular moment.
I am as serious as getting herpes in Mexico...
What do herpes have to do with anything?
I knew it was time to stop when you guys were playing a drinking game called "every three steps take a drink"
Just realized I could have five different dicks in me the day of valentines day but no real date. My life
Was Mr. ROBOT good? I missed it. I just fucked dental hygienist on the trampoline in my backyard
Long story short if you're going to get drunk on a sailboat at night leave your phone in the car.
if i ever get to the point where i am moaning when i pee, please do the honorable thing and kill me.
I've been getting a lot of emails from patron lately for being a great customer. Is that awesome, or should I start thinking about seeking help?
After he came, he took a two minute power nap and then fucked me for another 45 minutes. He is a machine!
Randomize
