My room smells like vodka and shame
put your party hat on. and by party hat I mean no panties
Let's play a little game called "Chill the Fuck Out" - you're our first contestant
My mom is such a hoarder. I found a deer candelabrum last night, it had antlers has candle holders. It was like a redneck menorah.
I just encountered the most annoying guy on the planet. I wanted to slap his milkshake out of his fat-boy hands while he was talking to me at the same time as slurping his liquid fat.
I love milkshakes.
Not the point.
The only reason anyone found out he threw up is because everyone heard it sizzle the bonfire out.
We just made a drinking game out of our chemistry review. This might explain my chemistry grade.
He came in both my eyes, then refused to give me a towel unless I found him by playing Marco Polo
I totally just friend requested the girl I met in jail last night so that I could give her back the sunglasses she lent me upon our release. See, I'm not a total delinquent.
You must be buzzed on Miller Lite.. Zen master advice is flowing
The fact I have to evaluate my choice between tequila and fruity pebbles is a clear image of my life right now
he's a ginger AND was born with 2 holes in his penis. sleeping with a rare species & I LOVE THE THRILL
it's like my ID runs away from me when it knows it's time for me to drink
Im looking at the faintest of claw marks right now. I just fell in love all over again.
You know, finding my first grey pube at 34 is FAR more distressing than finding that first grey hair at 13.
I DO NOT FUCKING WANT OR NEED THIS INFORMATION!
Randomize
