I have sucked so much dick this week I think I am going to start sweating semen
I'm currently trying to figure out how I woke up naked and handcuffed to my bed. Not real worried about class right now.
i cant do it anymore.. every time this girl orgasms she sounds like a motorcycle
Lesbian sex in an alleyway drunk.
Is YOLO really just a socially acceptable way to say you enjoy putting things up your nose?
Yeah, I wish I could have one upped you. But all I did was ride circles around a cop on a stolen bicycle while laughing at him for telling me to stop riding on the sidewalk.
I need to ask my mom where the drain cleaner is, but I'm afraid she'll ask why and the answer to that will just be "cum."
that's how you measure success
By how bad my vagina hurts on a Tuesday morning while I'm trying to figure out how I got white girl wasted on a Monday?
Maybe there is a secret pocket full of cocaine in that spiderman wallet.
She actually purred while I was balls deep in her! I have never been so proud to buy plan b at 6:30 in the morning.
Oh man 11pm. That means it's time to take my shirt off an eat a brownie
having flashbacks of licking salt of your dick for my shot of tequila
that was the most beautifully crafted sentence ive ever read that involved the phrase "genitals or whatever"
You know that voice that tells you to do something spontaneous after 1am? Don't listen to it.
There were a lot of gay moments in between the Strippers and coke
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