Do you have swine flu?
I know my taste in men is not always top notch; however, I don't sleep with swine.
Pigs, yes. Swine, no.
life is all about the fine print - all i wanted was a fucking pony.
his pick up line was "wanna get a pizza and fuck?"
did it work
that's not the point...
Turns out I wasn't throwing up blood, I just threw up so hard it ripped my tonsils. Thank you Jameson.
He did not want a thank you for helping me move in bj. I don't know how to thank him now.
So... Apparently, "Home" isn't the correct response when a cop asks for your address...
my pupils became my eyes and i slept with a cloth in my mouth again
I feel a whole lot better than i did this morning at 3 when one of my roommates discovered me slightly aware of my surroundings and naked in the bath tub with the shower on
maby next time we don't finish the whole box wine just because it tastes like shit
He kept telling me Te Amo last night. Over and over. And that he was scared. Drunkenly. In Spanish.
No more house parties. We're almost fucking 30 years old and I slept until 6 pm.
He called his dick "The Beast" and said he lived "The Beast Life". He was pretty but it was better if he didn't talk.
Also, do you have any insight as to WHY I have a note saved from the 17th of June that reads *clears throat*, "you got that swanky blues libido"
I'M GOING TO DIE ALONE WITHOUT ANYONE PRETENDING TO BE A MARRIED COUPLE WHILE DRUNK AT A MALL WITH ME
Well, I ruined his toilet and he's still completely okay with me. Plus, it took him like a week to tell me.
If a girl I didn't love ruined my toilet I don't think I'd stick around.
I snuck a teenager into a club last nite, I felt like such a criminal. It was Awsome
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