so ur a construction worker, male escort, sex god and surfer? lol
well its been awhile since I've surfed
where am i from again
Definitely just saw the guy I went on a date with Friday night dressed in medeival knight gear on the quad preparing for battle. Oh my God.
I remember coming home with a cat... I havent seen it all day. Shit.
He still hasn't made a move, so I slept with his brother last weekend. Maybe sibling rivalry will motivate........
Best part of failing a semester of college: not having to buy books next semester. I can drink to that
The cops forgot your handle of tequila when they took you away. Taking shots in your honor amigo
Well it's a moot point because I did have a sink & I peed in it.
may or may not have figured out a way to make my mom a drug mule to bring me ecstasy...
You better keep a close eye on your uterus tonight cause I am looking good.
I donkey kicked that mother fucker. Never stood a chance.
It was a door. A completely inanimate object, of course it didn't stand a chance you idiot.
with hottub sex, handcuffs, Pocahontas themed lap dances, and eating pumpkin pie off each other, I'm gonna say thanksgiving will be a success ;)
I've pulled 4 ticks off of me. This is the last time I suck dick in the wild.
I'm 2 weeks in to my all dick and carb diet and so far I've lost 2lbs.
Neighbor just came over and asked if I had anything to clean blood out of carpet... it's definitely time to move.
Randomize
