i just caught my roommate coming out of the bathroom half naked with a surge protector. he told me he didn't wanna talk about it.
you kept trying to convince me i had aids because my head hurt
Who would have thought google would have HELPED me fail a test...not pass...thank you pacman, thank you google....
What was your penis's nickname in high school? Also, what was it's theme song?
just walked past the recycling bin in class, there's keystone cans in it. go cougs.
I had to steal sneakers from my man of the night. I dipped. But then realized I left my purse in his house. So I had to stash the shoes in some bushes and wait for him on the stoop. Then after he watches me leave, I run back and get the shoes cuz I didn't wanna be taking my hour long journey home through London at 3 pm in my six inch wedges and club dress
Wake your sexy ass up. It's donut time.
Ps we ordered a pizza at the pool today and I dropped the entire thing in the pool. We still ate it. #canthang
Yeah I'd rather get obliterated at home.
Same here. I'd like to ensure that I won't get pissed on.
I just hit your bf in the face with a mustard bottle and the guy at the table next to us bowed down to me.
my talents include tricking people into giving me money and free drugs
The little girl I'm babysitting is having a tea party, the water and chips she's passing out are doing wonders for my hangover.
I AHVE A WINE BUCKETTTTTTT
you never un-have a 4some
A dozen naked frat boys in squirrel masks just ran by. Welcome to the official start of the holidays.
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