Make note: the first date is too soon to make the "condoms are only for making balloon animals" joke.
Ok so the guy below me is either having sex very loudly or is very lonely
i'm drinking whiskey out of a ziplock bag in a movie theater. i'm THAT girl.
Being invited to eat tater tots at 1:30am by a rly hot girl then actually only eating tater tots is a major let down. Tasty, but still a let down
but they dont look like handprints. looks like someone had a boxing match with my tits and my tits lost
Omg he has a washer and dryer IN his apartment and lots of back up toilet paper. I went home with an adult. My uterus is pumping out eggs beyond my control.
Reading old FB posts. Why did I ever stop drinking?
They've already turned me into the Dean of Students once because they felt 'unsafe' because I came home hammered and asked one of them to make me a grilled cheese sandwich. Like, I just ASKED!
Good thing my vagina doesn't have a chronometer on it. I'm sure my fiance would be horrified. Probably 10 miles from this past weekend alone.
Anddon't worry about me I have my Darth Vader flashlight
so I was eating out this girl who was wearing my pirate hat In an alley behind the bar last night and some girl walks up and takes a picture. apparently we had a crowd of about 10 and it turned her on so she just didn't tell me
I don't give a fuck that he's gay and keeps hitting on me. Free cocaine is free cocaine bro
there was a goddamn geisha at house. my dick feels more cultured.
sex on a roof was cool and all but that superhero argument was the best part of the night hands down
I'm on my way to bail our sister out of jail with our mother's credit card. How old are we??
Randomize
