I'm not looking forward to the waking up early part. Or actually the wedding part. Or the reception part. But I am looking forward to the meaningless sex with some random guy I meet at the reception part.
so on my way home this naked dude runs right in front me his weiner at half mast screaming i'm only doing this cause its a 50 dollar dare
How wet are you?
Ever heard of a U-boat?
Just ate lunch with a paperclip again. Seriously, need to invest in plastic forks.
Took an aderol, wrote a differential equation for solving volume of flow of a rectangular channel with change in depth, then masturbated for the 6th time.
omg kevin jonas gave his bride a glass slipper..could he be any gayer then he is now
he is so gay. he makes clay aiken look straight. what is wrong with the lady that married him? kevin must be envious of her balls
fine. I googled it. you have to eat 5 to die so apparently I'm in the clear.
Dude just read our convo. Apparently I was talking to you while I was naked. She wasn't happy about it.
so... the fat chick just walked over, shook my hand, then introduced herself as "versatile". shoot me now.
also, just kill me. literally hit me with a vehicle, or an aircraft, something that will ultimately make me forget tonight.
it wasn't sex so much as.....a disastrously uncomfortable sexual experience
banged a milf last night. she left right after cause of parent teacher conferences this morning. victory.
How about we just have a naked taco night instead?
at any given day I am at least 60% invested in my work. today I am staggered around 3.5%
He serenaded me a cappella to Ed Sheeran. I wasn't going to leave his dick unsucked.
Randomize