no weekend plans? you're practically married
just without the last name or joint bank account
i'd advise against both
I now realize that they made gum to take the taste of dick out of your mouth.
when it says do not use on the face or genital areas, it MEANS do not use on the face or genital areas.
We told our cab driver we'd give him 3 grand if he pit maneuvered you guys in your cab.
Yeah. I don't think I have anything left in me tho. I think I was throwing up tangible memories at one point.
i'm face down in a ditch right now please help this is not a metaphor for my life this is real.
We work out, have really intense sex, and then eat cereal marketed for children. We have a system, okay?
We just had an accidental Facebook titty pic scare.
Is banging someone in the national guard considered a state service or a national one?
I shouldn't have watched rise of the planet of the apes and then gotten high. I'm now convinced that the cats are out to get me.
I just realized. I havent even gotten a paycheck from this new job yet and already laid one of the girls most of the dudes are after
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
I want to create a human. Discussion later.
Mike's letting gay guys do body shots off him again.
My boyfriend, ladies and gentlemen.
My brain is a dvd screensaver and I'm allowed to have a good thought when it hits the corner
Randomize
