was stoked on phone sex until he started reciting lines from star wars
you kept lying down on the floor at the bar just to prove you could get back up
So gin and wine won't be happening again
I learned an important lesson last night: Jameson giveth, but Jameson also taketh away.
Cruelly.
stopped you just in time from sledding down the roof.
Three things I need a picture of: your friend, your bong, and your dick.
Ok if you are accepting my apology, please continue to ignore me. If you are not, please fill out the brief survey that follows, to help me improve my people relations: a) your a bitch please leave me alone b)your crazy pls leave me alone c) I never cared ab u please leave me alone. D) all of the above e) all of the above but I wouldn't mind still fucking u. F) who are you again? Your answer will not b shared and will b used in accord. With the law. TY
I mean, we do coke and have sex occasionally...I wouldn't call that a relationship.
I let him watch sportscenter while we fucked. How did he repay me? I'm now missing class to get a shot in the ass for the clap. You and I are getting wasted and keying someone's car this weekend.
Neither of us have work tomorrow and we live w/n walking distance. This is your official Sandy booty call. Come rock me like a hurricane.
My chest smells like french fries. Get at me attractive men.
I woke up at 4am on the floor covered in olive oil and fire extinguisher powder but all I wanted to know was where the rest of my booze was at.
Woke up naked on a bed full of money, doughnuts, and keys that weren't mine. Unsent dick pick on phone, and cheap cigar butt on my pillow. Also...I maybe hotwired my car.
I'm honestly wondering if my vagina did something to offend the universe
For a girl who cried from fear the last time she was asked out, this. Is. TERRIFYING!
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