Dating a girl 4 years younger than you is like living in a Taylor Swift song...
he ate out my asshole, i really don't think he gets embarrassed easily.
normally i wouldnt have blown him but he was on dawsons creek.. i love dawsons creek.
You peed in my camelbak and said it was a reverse catheter. Not cool.
Now he's galloping around the bar. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
Just found my old bop it. So many drinking game possibilities
He told me I was a pleasure to arrest. That's the 2nd time I've heard that.
The cabbie told me fat girls shouldn't wear tight clothes, and that he feels bad for the guys that have to be underneath them, especially because their positions are "very limited" and proceeded to ask me if I had a trash can and if I could throw something away for him. Don't worry though, he promised it wasn't anything "bad". He then handed me a tied up grocery bag with a bunch of wadded up Kleenex that weighed about 3 pounds. To answer your question, yes I made it home. Fml
It's 6 am, I'm drunk, and celebrating the end of finals.Go ahead and ask me where I am...if you guessed a McDonald's playpen then you are correct. Badabababa I'm loving it
i went to the 24h massage place last night and brought down the price for a hand job from $50 to $12.75 and half the big mac left in my bag.
It's an open bar. I'm gonna be gone when you get here.
Text me the address now before you're too drunk to text English.
It's like fucking tetris in this bed
I came over to get dick...not to watch you vacuum....at 2 AM
A guy who takes a plate of chicken tenders away from us is not to be trusted or slept with
Just got invited to a tree party by some random chicks. They're literally just sitting up in a tree with a handle of rum and a box of goldfish crackers and yelled at me as I was walking by...
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