Letd wlk him
Lrtd walek hime
Lets wlk home,,,ther we go
I discovered last night there is no graceful way to remove your face from your gf's crotch when your parents walk in the room
I've come to realize that after waking up this morning for work no one wins in bar dice.
the creek. my friends left me at a party next thing i know im in a breaststroke relay race with a bunch of randos in the dark
Woke up in a wet suit with my junk cut out. In a strange apartment. Just found thing biggest bong u have ever seen. WHERE ARE YOU?!?!?!
Step one go to argentina step two fuck bitches it's a simple plan really
Were you rubbing your penis on me while I slept? I smell like penis.
I feel like a color. Like a wavy color
all I know is this drummer better stop eye fucking me while he plays cowbell. it is way too early for that.
Operation terrify all men while simultaneously make them fall in love with me is going quite swimmingly so far
I tried to bring you in when you passed out on the porch but all you said was that I "ruined your hope ands dreams of becoming an astronaut"
Sometimes a man just deserves to get woken up with a blowjob.
I just set my mike's hard down and didn't want it to spill, so I held my finger up and told it to shoosh. I'm drunk.
You've got the chocolate, drugs and my pants. You hold all the cards...
Greetings from Florida; the armpit of the US, where my 240something lb brother nearly got carried away by some aggressive woodland mosquitoes. I was only spared because they could probably sense I was currently semi-disassociating and would not feel the suffering their presence wrought.
Anyway, how was your day?
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