I forgot to tell you. I'm at a porno shoot today.
yeah my walk of shame consisted of driving on the wrong side of the road at 6am still drunk with cum drying in my hair and left eye.
when i start to cry when i lose at mario kart is when you should put me to bed
he kept asking me if i had been in a pool or a lake recently, i didnt want to say i know where the swimmers ear came from. shower sex.
You cant give me a fifth of god damn jim beam and expect me not to cheat on my gf.
youre not allowed to be friends with girls ive double teamed. period.
I have your shoes, your bike, and someones blue underwear. Round 2 tonight?
haha she has always seemed a little off. when i met her i was told she was the queen slut. and she had a crown on at the time. it seemed appropriate.
If you haven't gone to the store yet. Can you PLEASE get me some clippers my balls will thank you later
Dude, I need a lifestyle change. I'm to old to be making out with chicks in foam parties, letting older chicks get all excited because I let them put their hands up my shirt, and running around doing scavenger hunts with 18 yr old chicks.
KNEE DEEP IN HOES. SEND HELP.
Its okay that he doesn't remember you, he only remembers girls by their boobs and I think you were wearing a jacket
He took a girl home at like eight, fucked her, kicked her out, came back to the bar, and repeated the process again at 10:30 and 2:30. THREE GIRLS IN ONE NIGHT. ALL PICKUPS. I HATE HIM.
Pray for me. I just had a sex dream about Debbie Wasserman-Schultz.
Definitely the only person to buy 2 handles a 2 bottles of champagne & 3 thirties while wearing a fanny pack
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