I hope you fall in a pool of honey in an immensely populated region of bears.
she woke up, said "please dont tell me your name, i dont want to remember it"
He didn't seem too mad about the puke on the side of his car. You still have a chance.
You said "It's ok guys, I know I'm not really a turtle" and then tried walking on the lake.
You could say the cab driver was less than excited when we called his personal cell phone at 4am for directions back to our hotel after having blacked out at the club
MISSING: One left eyebrow. Reward if returned.
He came, while we were making out fully clothed. I'm going to write a book.
I am now trying to reassure her that she doesn't have a wide-set vagina. So thanks, for whatever you said.
You went to jail last night?!
Just a little bit.
He doesn't belong with God. He belongs face-down in a pile of his own excrement, vomit, blood and semen. Then pissed on by Satan.
I can't talk to her. I know entirely too much about her genitals to hold a conversation without mentioning them.
Well, I found my bra. It's in my glove compartment with a half-eaten Snickers bar and a Jesus bookmark.
You were naked too, so it cancels out. We're straight.
At this point all my Tinder matches are telling me I'll be fucking the whole male population of UMass '17.
Bud... Did you mean to tweet a picture of your dick? If not just letting you know.
Randomize
