Sometimes I wonder if we could be friends if we lived closer.
She was so high she ate a little piece of weed off her pants and thought it was food.
just saw a former disney star do a keg stand. her life choices have improved.
Don't park in the garage. I installed a stripper pole while drunk and it's kinda in the way
Wise words from the guy who drunkenly chipped his teeth on the sidewalk
Crosswalk actually
I want to wear something that says I'm a lady (but I have condoms!)
This is breast cancer awareness month... The least we can do is give a stripper some singles.
will you please stage a drunk girl intervention and tell him that his chain is severely harming his chances of getting laid tonight?
My drunk neighbor is arguing with a goose in his yard. This was the highlight of my day.
No, man, we stole the housekeeper's key and we're just going room to room raiding mini fridges. Hurry
Logan has the vodka and snickers. We're making a run for it. Room 302
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
to instagram or to not instagram the picture i took of when i shit in the urinal
but how can he casually chat with my father 8 hours after asking me if i'm a screamer
He still texted me and invited me over a day later so I guess I'm the lovable kind of psycho
Just had an emotional break through with the dog. That high.
Randomize
