tequila makes her clothes fall off
wow Mom, sounds like youre having a good time
I can't tell whether I'm throwing up blood or licorice.
Holy shit bill nye is being consulted as an expert on cnn and hes credited as the science guy. What the fuck is the world coming to?
He was on Keeping Up with the Kardashians it was like a deed from god to bang him
Just picture a dyson vacuum with razor blades. That's how it felt.
I will not hesitate to go down on a dick for some cream soda.
Honest to god.. She looks better fat. I never would have imagined those words coming out of my mouth, EVER.
If you've never yelled, "fuck you ray Lewis" in front of your 87 year old grandfather you haven't lived
Simple math equation: Up till 5 a.m. drinking + up at 9 a.m. for nephews birthday party = puking in the pool
I swear to God, if you have sex in my bed one more time you're gonna start paying rent
I'm out of prison. Wanna start a band?
You can't do wine Netflix and blow jobs in the bed you've had since 5th grade with your parents downstairs
WHY DID YOU NOT OFFER TO LET HIM STAY
Dude, it's like you want him inside me more than i do
I had a threesome last night with my fiance' and our soon to be best man. Everyone is surprisingly chill about it this morning. Is this any indication of what the wedding night will be like?
FYI bail money is still in my drawer. I know you have no car but you need to know this for tomorrow.
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