A good Q tip ear swabbing is better than bad sex.
Threesomes are so awesome. You even have company on your walk of shame :)
the jail released me with 39 mardi gras beads. I need details.
Just burped. Tasted like beer and cherios...Beerios. This is gonna be quite a day.
so sad. i just ate the last good 'n' plenty out of the bottom of my purse.
This from the guy I found eating salad out of a pot lid in his boxers on his porch last night.
Good news. Isn't krabs. Bad news. Not sure what it is. Worse news. Encouraged not to fuck till known. Great news getting laid tonight
All in all only spent $2 at the bar ln... Fucking love having a vagina
So what kind of fun pills do we have for the amusement park tomorrow?
Btw I'm already known as the drunk roommate. Don't know if that's a success or a failure seeing as it hasn't even been a week since I've been here
I have been drunk every time I've gone to mexico. I do not remember mexico.
I'm going to make you a sign to put on your penis to ward others off
I think people are normalizing furries
i had to call him over, it was my last chance at getting some tonight
HE HAS A RESTRAINING ORDER AGAINST U!!!
it expires tomorrow
Do you know who changed all my phone contacts into characters from Harry Potter?
He Who Must Not Be Named.
Fuck you.
Randomize
