his penis was crooked so i rode him at an angle. he seemed used to this.
Grandma was not a fan of the beer-can ornaments. Not "traditional".
So he just rolled over in his sleep and said "that's a punctuation mark..."
My room should be renamed "Land of the Misfit Condoms."
I'm not a creep or anything, just a lost soul looking for a good lay
He raised his arm and dropped it in his sleep to smack himself awake. He knows his phone has an alarm clock right?
Male strippers are involved. You are coming
I thought he put a fake swan in my yard, but no, he put a real life swan in my yard
I be dancing. See you soon. You can drink tequila from my pants.
What! You have to go to class. Otherwise, you're wasting money that could have been spent on weed. Gotta get that shit in perspective.
but I have boobs. I'm not going to buy my own drinks at the bar like some kind of fucking animal.
His face will be in my vagina later so I'm willing to forgive.
It’s a good thing I’m the only one in the office today. My boy toy stopped by and now there is jiz all over my desk and couch
Sadly my Summer of Cocks is coming to an end
Like honey no, I’m getting groceries while pretending that having sexy talk with you is turning me on
Randomize
