Slept with that guy from the bar last night. Only got 2 1/2 hours of sleep. Eyes were so bloodshot this morning that the principal sent me home b/c she thought I had pink eye. God I love teaching elementary school...
sometimes i wish i was able to text my cat and tell him i miss him and that i'm thinking about him
I feel that the whole multiple orgasm thing is god's way of saying "sorry for the childbirth deal"
Apparently mid blow job I started crying telling her how "Wonderful this blow job is"
She asked the class if starwars was based on a true story...
his recent searches consisted of "World record for not bathing" and "Miley Cyrus vs Taylor Swift". Not even i am that desperate.
We've reached that awkward stage of the relationship where he's in love with me when he's drunk, but sober him is still afraid of commitment.
We're sending your burrito through the mail slot.
you know you made out with my sister while holding Ur girlfriends hand while she was puking in the toilet right
Fuck. The basement bathroom I've been getting head in for 6 months just went 'Out of Service'.
No, I got those cupcakes fair and square. That homeless man should have known not to underestimate the determination of a stoned chem student.
you're avoiding the subject, i want to know how you ended up at the strip club with the dog, fucker
First memory of my senior year: Going into registration still drunk from last night.
I mean I want to be happy but it's a train wreck that you can't look away from
Im going to hell I gave him a handjob on the plane next, to an old guy playing video games on his iPad, on good friday.
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