Tittie bar + Mother In law gone = mission accomplished.
it was beautiful and magic like when a hot girl grabs her own tits and smiles at you
Hey do you think you can sew an adult onsie with easy access if you know what I mean!!?? It must have bunny feet.
I mean two cocks this time. Trust me, I'm not gonna pull the same stunts as last time in this situation
Oh by the way, john gave me your shirt to return to you when I was at work today. I almost gave him his girlfriends underwear to return to her but figured it would be inappropriate.
How do I tell her I need the lights out when I'm getting head because she and my mom share a perm color
Right now I'm standing in front of my fridge, drinking wine out of the bottle and eating cold steak with my hands. I am THE BEST at being single.
I guess I'll just chalk it up as a learning experience and a lot of great sex.
We were having sex and my nose just started pouring blood. He reached down to the floor, grabbed a sock and held it to my nose. He just kept pounding away like nothing was happening.
Riddle me this: I can stream porn just fine but try and watch my college class and nooo it won't work
Be there in 4 minutes
I threw my back out having sex last night. I don’t know whether to high five myself for a job well done or cry because I’m old.
We need to feng shui this bitch.
My drunk ass is being chauffeured around like the damn queen of England
I just thought you should know that you should be proud of your dick. It's pretty much perfect. Just, ya know, by the way.
Alcohol and video games. A solid Friday night. Even before covid
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