Small Doughy Asian men and sleeveless hoodies with nothing underneath do not mix well.
Sounds like the climatic scene of my favorite erotic novel.
Man THE POSTAL SERVICE is awesome when I'm high..... But they suck when I'm sober.
Walking home still drunk in snow. Snowflakes are my only hydration..Need moreee
slowly transforming into a stationary lump of steel. how can you tell me that was JUST weed
i just remembered last night waiting for you to pick me up wearing my bra on my head to protect me from the rain
if i find out your the one who pierced my belly button im going to fuck your sister again
She said to bring taco sauce. Hoping that's a euphemism.
They are stoned and trying to learn sign language together. It's like watching a chimp waving at itself in a mirror.
So, I never imagined myself puking on the side of the road at 10:30 this morning to Lynyrd Skynyrd but here I am.
Every guy I've ever fucked is single right now
Pray for me
I just wiped cum off my face with baby wipes... #momlife
I just got woken up by that guy wearing a Krispy Kreme hat giving out donuts
Dude I had sex with her and she STILL thinks I'm gay. I don't know what else to do.
Im sober enough to understand what people are saying but drunk enough to understand its hilarious
Just woke up to the cat unconscious on my stomach, his face between my tits, purring to bring down the walls. I'm endeared and horrified at the same time.
Randomize
