Just met a synchronized swimmer, can you imagine the things she could do in the water
Legs for days
Harpoon that
There is a reason Crest White Strips don't list masturbation as one of the myriad of activities to do while whitening your teeth. A very good reason.
It honestly took me longer to beat Ninja Turtles: Turtles in Time, than it did to have sex with her the first time we met.
fter the third song from an iPod commercial played I realized how much that frat sucked.
I'm sober enough to realize she looks like a man, but drunk enough to do it anyways
She went dumpster diving. Found flourescent light bulbs, carpet samples and $15. We got a bottle of Popov, played star wars and threatened random people with the carpet. Get on our level.
Haha! I've never met his girlfriend, so my main focus will be not saying,"you're the only person in this room that doesn't know what my vagina feels like."
I wanted to be mature but the vodka was resilient.
We are gunna have the best winter break smoking weed and eating ham
We ended up at a lesbian bar and all my co-workers tried to get me laid. This is not how I envisioned coming out.
We were in his kitchen and she turned to me with a straight face and an avocado in her hand and said "Can we steal this?"
It's probably not healthy how legit bummed I am that my bottled of wine is gone.
You attempted what you called the "Long Island Heist", in which you shoved a half glass of Long Island down your pants and asked me to help you sneak it out. That drunk.
he never texted me back from last night. i think brining out the suction cup dildo was a mistake
I'm scrolling through our convo thread and all we talk about is pizza, alcohol & dick with the occasional "I miss you" thrown in.
Randomize
