32 messages asking me to suck his dick. And there for a minute i thought i was desperate. ha!
Hahahaha
make that 40.
there was a party in your bed and you weren't invited... change your sheets
I just don't have the heart to tell my mom you peed in our washer machine last night.
after he came i started crying. just to fuck with his head.
Under no circumstances is it ok to do naked cartwheels in front of anyone. i don't care how much ecstasy you took
The bruises are from paintball. The money is from me being awesome
So far in the last ten minutes I have tried to pour cereal into a plate. Today's gonna be a great day.
When we tried to make a video I set the camera to 3sec pictures accidentally so instead of a movie we have a flipbook of our sex.
She said if her future children dont have blue eyes she wont love them
I never thought people would keep their guns next to their fake plastic penises, but there they were.
I left my ice cream out over night, it's melted, fuck this, I just poured Bailey's in it. Problems solved.
It turned from Netflix and chill to cringeworthy YouTube videos and chill. At least he's honest.
I never thought I could be this turned on by a man wearing racoon tails.
Let's celebrate our country being screwed by screwing.
The last time I saw you, you were giving the stripper a lap dance.
Randomize
