Yeah but my nose is so stuffed if I tried to give him head I'd suffocate
i either bought an eighteen year old girl or i'm engaged to her... i'm not quite sure
There was something that i liked about you, but you spent it
Oh yes. The girl who wanted me to watch her pee.
we're going to dress like we're asking for it, because we are
Where are you and who are these girls passed out on the floor?
and why are they spooning a flamingo?
they traded weed for a spot on our floor. be nice.
They left at like 4. I got up to help clean their house this morning and we found his pants. No ones heard from him, we're all a little scared.
Lesson learned. Kayak oars are not golf clubs....check
Lube filled water balloons always make for a good time
I may or may not already be in your hot tub when you get home. I have a key to your house and no shame.
YOU CHEATED ON ME WITH THE WOMAN THAT IS STAYING AT YOUR HOUSE. FORGIVE ME IF IM NOT THINKING YOUR A DEDICATED BOYFRIEND.
Got with someone dressed up as Allen from the hangover so that's where I'm at in life
Your normalization of crazy is frightening.
I think I may be going on too many job interviews. I've started to bring up Shonda Rhimes in my interview answers.
Who knew she had talents apart from chugging wine spritzers
Randomize
