I'm just sayin u wanted to sleep after ur paper. I can make u sleep
Dude! wtf happend last nite? I woke up with 2 black eyes and a head ache
You stepped off the curb and face planted the road...twice
Why didnt you hold me up....and why a second time?
I helped you up but figured it was wayy funnier to watch you fall again then lose my buzz....
your life is more of a joke than dina lohan.
if you\'re going to compare me please pick the classy one. Michael Lohan.
Just smoked a bowl with the exterminator. I think my day is more productive.
We went to his house and he brought a jar of pickles to bed. I think im in love.
Out of beer. Salsa pong. Never again.
Hahahahahahhajahahahahajajjajahjahahajahahajajahahahajjajajahahjajajajajahahahajjjajajaahhahhahahahahahahahaha dominos taxi
We ate our feelings. Then drank our feelings. I feel feminism delivered.
Braid them armpits, sister.
She just mixed her Emergen-C with champagne... Vegas here we come!
as he was bent over the toilet, he turned to me and said "barbarian kyle is much stronger than regular kyle" and then went right back to puking.
It's an open bar. I'm gonna be gone when you get here.
Text me the address now before you're too drunk to text English.
He just felt my tits to find out which piercing I lost.
WHERE THE FUCK AM I? AND WHO PUT DUCK TAPE ON MY NIPPLES! MY NIPPLES!!!!!!
Wait til you see what we did to Dave. Hairy bastard will never be the same
I woke up in my neighbors backyard with glitter on my teeth and sparklers super glued on my bra. which part was your fault?
It's his. I know, I'm pregnant with a genetic douche bag but at least he'll be pretty!
Randomize
