Hey man sorry I got all grabby
we used that portable toilet as a cooler to keep coronas. next person who tells me hospitals arn't fun needs to come party in rm 180.
You can now add 30,000 feet to the places where I have puked
Funny how often beer equates to second degree burns on some portion of my body.
you were cooking a hot pocket with a grill lighter what did you want me to do
Why do the people I hook up with still exist after we're done?
You know you're at a low point when you're sucking vodka out if your hair.
We legit stopped the the game so that Jamie and I could throw up in the bushes, and then continue to play intramurals... this is what my life is coming to1
Guess who has two thumbs and just fell outta his car and almost peed himself
First highlight of the semester: campus safety caught me peeing in the dirt parking lot by kappa. Then as they were about to write me up, they recognized me, laughed, and left.
God gave me a talent besides one night stands. I feel like I should use it
I ate breakfast with him. And by ate breakfast I mean we fucked on the kitchen table.
You cannot tell me you don't have a problem while crying pantsless on a stranger's sofa bed.
Last time I "ran into him" I ended up with the clap and had to explain why the ladder was missing from the garage.
I'm currently hiding from this horrific thing that we call adulthood. If anyone needs me, I'll be smoking a bowl in the bouncy house.
Randomize
