Great date with Damon, but I'm not sure if telling him I like lesbian porn is a good second date discussion.
just paid a stripper to have a minute conversation about the arizona game WTF
you were the first one he came out to and you announced it as the finale while singing karaoke at the bar
a bus full of elementary school kids may or may not have seen me pissing off my front porch this morning
Friends help friends remove their foot from the sunroof after an epic smoke sesh.
Im drunk on a hayride surrounded by toddlers. they are judging me.
Yeah but I get laid and I know. He drank toilet water last night and he doesn't know about that either. Still makes me happy though.
my boss just accepted "because it's 4/20" as a legitimate reason to take Friday off
Go big or go home. i snuck in two beers in my bra. im here to win.
The DJ was throwing glowsticks into the crowd and managed to smack one guy in the face with them
Just listened to a full Christian rock song, loved it,listened to the dj send a prayer to a 4th grader who was having a tough year and realized I'm high as fuk
I spent the whole ride asking the cabbie if people ever have sex back there, and if he wanted me to make that number one higher.
I told him no rough stuff and he immediately bit my ass. Who the fuck does that?
So here I am, sexting at work.
i solemnly vow to never stick my penis into crazy again
I give it a week.
Randomize
