do u think i could put an abortion on my debit card?
I was pretty stoned. I thought I needed a seatbelt at the restaurant.
You could give me a blowjob later? :)
I meant do something romantic..
Blowjob In the moonlight?
We are going out Saturday. Oh and we might also be jousting on bikes.
Of course... Double fistin nati light cuz the powers out and it cuts down the times i gotta open the fridge... Genius
You stuck a chicken finger in that stripper's clevage and said "Keep this warm for me.
posting about faith hill is really not helping you get me into your bed
So I have to send you an email about my weekend, heretofore referred to as The Perfect Weekend. Wherein I have lots of awesome sex with a guy with THE MOST AMAZING BODY.
I look forward to this email. I will respond with, Condoms and Creepers: The Adventures of Online Dating.
Still trying to figure out where I was when someone broke the lawn chair and put it in the bathroom.
I don't know if your celebrity crush has ever asked you for nudes, but it's fucking awesome
Well I didn't know she was a dominatrix...so I kind of just went with it
Look, all I'm looking for is a good time and someone whose chest I can bury my face in
This conversation went from me banging other women's husbands to learning about baked goods. If that isn't personal growth I don't know what is.
Who was that dick in the suit telling us to stop drinking?
The priest.
I'm not saying it wasn't great. I'm just saying sleeping with a gassy, depressed,45 year old mother was a different experience. Would do it again though.
Randomize
