does dane cook know its not 2004 and that hes no longer relevant?
Someone just pulled taco bell tacos out of their purse in class....2 problems with here. 1) this class is nutrition 2) taco bell is not open this early.
Is it bad that I stopped wanting to fuck her as soon as I noticed she had dry skin?
I sometimes completely doubt that you're straight.
I keep hearing lesbian porn and I'm the only one home. I don't think this is healthy
I'm not sure if it was sex or spear fishing. He goes in for it like he's crash landing a rocket
Oh dude, thanks for giving me that liquor last night, except replace 'giving' with 'violently forcing'.
and that my friend is why you dont go in for an eye exam and drop 250 dollars on a pair of glasses after smoking a blunt
I had to wash my hair with conditioner because my sister got hammered and gave the dog a 3am sprinkler bath with my shampoo.
I hopped in a random dudes car outside the strip club at 3pm on a Sunday and said "Follow that car!"
I just watched in amazement as you had a full conversation about water temperature and bacteria with your pet goldfish.
Mcnellies. I'm drunk enough that you have a window. Capitalize.
I woke up and there was pizza slices on the fucking walls of my room
It's 5am and I have yet to fall asleep. At what point do we just accept that I run on vodka?
He may be 6' 6" but I'm 180 lbs of pure rage and determination
But he's super into Jesus and I'm the devil. So we weren't meant to be
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