you thought that fire hydrant was a midget...you gave it a hug and asked for a lollipop.
We all know the best way to start a relationship is greeting while at least one of you are intoxicated, dual facebook stalking, and a two week long game of 20 questions via texts to 'really' get to know each other. In that order.
I wouldn't have it any other way. It's like a fairy tale!
We just had the worst moment of our late twenties.... We just realized we are too old for the real world
i'm naked playing bejeweled blitz in your bed. this is both a forewarning and an apology
I just saw a Kleenex commercial and thought about last night. I'm sorry about your hair.
i just woke up to 15 people singing a whole new world
Holy shit bill nye is being consulted as an expert on cnn and hes credited as the science guy. What the fuck is the world coming to?
I'm currently using two paint brushes as chopsticks to eat lasagna.... college.
I no longer question where these bruises come from... between the strip pole in the living room, the slipnslide in the hallway and our constant level of intoxication I will always be bruised...
It's ok I'm watering my plants with a 40 in my camelback, people are staring
Yes, you can 69 in a fiat. But I think I have permanent nerve damage
Am I a bad person for getting my ex to DD me and a random hookup home last night?
Well yes he stayed. He brought Guiness, them he shaved me. It's a long, but beautiful story.
By the power invested in me i promise you hot wedding sex at my wedding.
There is a high pitched squealing noise coming from somewhere in my house. I hope it's a gas leak cause I'm over this week man.
Randomize
