On a scale of 1 to 10 how hot is the girl you're about to fuck?
Strong 6
That's an oxymoron.
His apology was sex and a subway sandwich. Strangely, I'm okay with that.
Dude just walked down the street literally wearing nothing but a small box around his waist carrying a case of beer. I want to live here for the rest of my life.
Bring single women, or taken women who are unhappy with their relationships, or women who are happy with their relationships but have low moral standards, or women who just like to remove clothing when drunk (relationship status is unimportant for this option)
It was his first time doing shrooms and we made him ride in the truck bed. But he kept standing up and yelling when we stopped so we had to keep driving
i think the theme of this summer is "shitting in weird locations."
Your niece just basically announced she's a whore on FB so you should feel pretty good about officiating that wedding next month.
Major win last night. I traded my roommate two cigs for a six pack and a bag of beef jerky. This has been a Brian weekend update
I was just shot with a dart gun by one of my coworkers while walking to the printer. Ironically I was printing my resignation letter...
You were passed out by the toliet and when i said i had to pee you told me to piss in the sink. Never has a girl with alcohol poisoning been so rude.
On Tinder, guy asked me if I had ever been fucked by a Pokemon master. Needless to say I didn't respond.
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
This guy on tinder just told me that he wanted to tie me up and asked me what I thought. I told him I wanted tacos
whatever. i don't need to be drunk to tell you i'd suck your dick if you had one.
I have two bottles of emergency tequila stashed under my desk at work.
Randomize