So when exactly did I get naked and makeout with the statue?
Dude, hurry and get over. I need a wingman. She is on her 6th vodka shot and her resident ugly friend is still sober
he told my vagina that he was looking forward to meet it
I'm at the grocery store buying monistat and corn nuts. thank god for self check out.
I just remember being in the bathroom alone cussing out the bunny
New wedding record, my shirt was off by 8pm!!!
they have a video of him in his boxers making a snow angel in the hallway is his own vomit and coca cola.
PLEASE. I won't throw up on the floor this time. Or fuck in the bathroom. Or dance on the pool table. So PLEASE.
And I was like "take off the damn flower crown, we're about to have sex not post an indie picture on tumblr"
why not an indie porn pic then
She dresses like Bruce Banner and fucks like the Hulk. She is all of my lesbian fantasies come true.
See if shell let you call her dr banner in bed
can I cover your dick in cookie butter?
He brought over a bottle of tequila and a box of donuts with the Plan B, so I guess you could say things are getting pretty serious.
Nobody likes ball hair. Not even gay dudes
Its only once in a life time you get to pick your vcard swiper up from jail
I know. I know. He'll be weekday dick.
Randomize
