I dont get it-she has sex with me but wont be my facebook friend?
have you seen my purse? i cant find it and my ipod is in there and that shit totally cost more than my abortion.
He told me he was ok to drive home. Then I found him face-planted in the parking lot.
I have now slept with people from more countries than Ive actually visited. Can we make this a game somehow? Like foreign fuck buddy bingo?
I was topless in his bathroom sink taking bong rips , goodmorning . He told me he could get use to this
No. I want to vom filet mignon and ziti bits everywhere and my body feels like I ran a cock triathalon. I feel less triumphant and more like death.
Is there a coat check? I stole 10 vases of flowers along with two bottles of champagne and I'm not sure what to do with them.
My roommate definitely just walked in on me playing the piano naked.
By piano you mean.....
Like literally a piano.
Ohhhh that's kind of embarrassing.
Some dude peed on tonys floor because drunkness
They offered him a bucket as he was peeing and he was like "Nah, I'm good"
Pretty sure I love my nipple piercing more than I'll love my children someday
Your vagina needs to teach my vagina its ways.
I think I just saw my socks in the parking lot.. gonna keep walking
I'm not going out, it's sweat pants and gallon vodka night at my place and I'm the only one on the guest list.
This is because you lost at fooseball isn't it?
he walked off and puked in the sand. then he made a sand castle over it so that "it wouldn't upset the kids"
There were no words. I got in his car, took my pants off, threw my shirt out the window, and got things started. After we were done I collected my clothes, gave him a kiss, and crept back into my house.
You're like the sex ninja. How doesn't he love you?!
Randomize
