so i had a choice between studying for my physics test on fluid dynamics or spend the night with my girlfriend. hello doubletasking.
he believed the zit on my nose was a piercing...until he tried to bite it. needless to say he didnt ask for my number
Just got booed while taking a piss and asked if I 'call that a penis.' Get me the fuck out nf yankee stadium.
I convinced her last night that my actual nickname was "No Condom John"
There's a very real possibility that I'll wake up in your uncle's driveway.
Walking out of our apartment this morning to go to class, I saw a sticky note on the front door that said "get tested." The door was unlocked so did you bring some stranger back last night? I'm assuming you weren't referring to me...
So ahh..."Multicultural Night" turned into "Fuck the Neighbor Night"
No, not normal drunk. Wake up on a trampoline with a naked chick you've never seen before drunk. I think i missed my first trampoline sex...
Always wear a seatbelt when giving road head. I think I'm just going to tell people I don't remember how I got the fat lip.
Guess who figured out you can fit an entire bottle of champagne in a big Subway cup. Open container laws my ass.
Your shoe was in the washing machine. I have it in my pocket. My phone rang before and I answered your shoe. Meet me at the bar in 10.
You shouldn't have to. I think you should bust into work like "pay homage to my magical vagina!"
I danced with a french guy who licked the sweat off my neck and poured a drink on me. Not gonna lie, that shit was refreshing
The highlight of my night will be digging in other people's garbage
Sorry my friend with benefits tried to run you over with his car
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