I feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear.
It smells like weed.
We are in Boulder, Everything smells like weed.
i was so high that i was eating crumbs of my bed only to realize they were fuzz thingies. fml.
I consider it a successful poop when you only have to wipe once.
I don't believe these are real court rooms. They look absolutely nothing like law and order.
Dude I think I vomited on the wireless internet box too...it isnt working.
I may have broken a few toes and my face hurts. I do know that I pissed the bed so at least I've got some closure there
#1 benefit of having an equality sticker on my car: some girl flashed me while i was driving home
Party at my house. Beach themed. Clothing optional.
Wouldn't that make it "Nude Beach Themed?"
I just think that exercising will really get in the way of my painkiller induced nap time rituals. There's gotta be a better way.
Okay so for future reference and your own safety I should probably tell you that it is not cranberry juice in that bottle on the kitchen table.
Oh boy I hope we come out of this alive. And with clean prison records
So like if I threw up in my purse is that "don't ever show your face in public again" worthy or just slightly frowned upon
He called my vagina his wife... how is that NOT creepy?!
"Plot twist... I'm straight."
Randomize
