He's marrying her, which means that she is his most important person in the world, so you gotta deal with it...okay?
Dude I thought this was going to suck, but moving back in with my dad is like being at a frat party every night only everyone is 40 years old.
The bridesmaids just went smackdown on the floor, over the bouquet. I saw nipple. Best wedding ever
This time, try to not get fingered in the middle of the living room.
I DIDNT GET FINGERED
I was rubbed
He doesn't have any game.. I mean, his one move is forwarding chicks pictures of his penis.
My only regret is that I have but one penis to give to your vagina.
Dude, jerking off when you're all hopped up on pre workout energy supplements has got to be the greatest thing I've ever done.
All I've succeeded in doing since I saw you is drool on my shoulder
hotboxing with the ex-bf's two most recent hookups. they just realized they're eskimo sisters with his best friend. this is what happens when I come home for Christmas.
Fun fact: drinking me now steals weaponry
I'm taking a shit break of discontent as a personal protest
man my uterus needs to drop the egg or GTFO, BUUUSHIT
You're like a human soul vacuum cleaner.
I'm not fucking you with a Stormtrooper helmet on!
I feel like i'm being yelled at when you type in all caps.Did you just have bad sex?
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