Hey kate, how is it?
sloppy...it's emily. kate just tried to do a keg stand. they dropped her. we're leaving.
i was hoping the water fountain would somehow shoot out vodka this morning
whats wrong with me. i have a coffee mug of wine in the library and i'm doing homework
I think I just met the technical qualifications for binge drinking in five minutes
you are the best fuck buddy i could have, all the others get feelings and morals involved
i didnt think "maybe you should take over" was a good thing to say when i couldnt get it up
You kept showing everyone at the bar your bra to prove it matched your shoes.
Sounds like sex on a twister board.
An idea that is both hilarious and intriguing...
Vom Wallet is no more. We now boldly enter a responsible, adult era where we will not throw up liquor onto ourselves.
I'm trying to get WebMD to diagnose me with a hangover
First date was awkward. I think I just saw someone die.
Hurry up I'm getting mooned by a hobo
No he can't come. I swear to gods he's "Why We Can't Have Nice Things" given physical form.
Just screamed wow while using my vibrator.. new low
I was pretty pissed in the morning when I realized he had fucked the fake tattoo right off my chest.
Randomize
